TIME TRAVELER SMASHES CAR THROUGH TWO BUSINESSES

A confused man who thought he was time traveling smashed his car through two businesses. Police in Pensacola, Florida, say the Dodge Challenger plowed through a strip mall on Sunday morning, careening through the front door of Advanced Tax Services, through the wall and into the business next door, Pensacola Caskets. The unidentified driver, a 40-year-old man was from Nashville, told police he was “trying to travel through time.” He stated that he was driving at high speeds on the interstate in an attempt to enter a time portal, and that he did not leave the time portal until the crash occurred. The driver has reportedly been issued a citation for reckless driving and is also in the hospital being evaluated.
* Said the driver, “Not again!”
* The driver hopes to be released in time to attend the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance at the high school.
* There are only two things certain in this world, death and taxes, and this guy hit them both.
* When you crash into a casket shop, your life is trying to tell you something.
* So, it sounds like that new Flakka drug has made it up from Florida to Nashville.
* He could have been on that although if he’s a time traveler he could be messed up on a drug from the future.
* And that brings us to another installment of our popular game: Guess what he was on?