THE WHATABURGER BANDITS

Edmond, Oklahoma, police are looking for a pair of suspects with an appetite for crime. For the past week, cars in a certain neighborhood have been burglarized between midnight and 8 a.m. The thieves made off with guns and credit cards. But investigators quickly recognized a pattern when running the bank statements of each victim. Every time, the thieves went straight to a nearby Walmart, made a big purchase of around $300 with the victim’s credit cards, and then headed right across the street to the Whataburger. Police say that once they determined a pattern, they were able to obtain clear surveillance of the suspects, and are now waiting for somebody to come forward and identify them.
* Hey, you can work up a real appetite robbing people.
* So they’re not just dangerous – they even have a dangerous diet.
* I know who can identify them. The overnight clerks at the Whataburger.
* Except every time they come in, they have a different name on their credit card.
* Meanwhile, if you live in this neighborhood and want $300 of free stuff, go buy it at this Walmart and then claim your credit card was stolen.
* It’s not fair. I want a burger place that stays open that late in my neighborhood.
* It could be time for them to switch to pizza.
* See? That’s my point about tofu. Nobody does a robbery so they can go someplace to buy tofu.