STALKER EX-BOYFRIEND SENDS SNAKE

An Elkhart, Wisconsin man is facing a stalking charge after he allegedly mailed a live ball python to his ex-girlfriend. Police say Eric Burrows, 37, made numerous threatening phone calls and emails to his ex-girlfriend, culminating August 18 with the delivery of a suspicious package to the woman’s apartment complex. Authorities X-rayed the package and discovered it contained a live ball python and a note reading, “Surprise you lying [expletive]. Enjoy, this is who you are. Now do you care.” A search of Burrows’ cellphone discovered he had done internet searches for the woman’s apartment complex, as well as for phrases including “what is stalking a person,” “how do you know if you are stalking someone,” and “warning signs of stalking behavior.”
* If you Google “how do you know if you are stalking someone,” you just might be a stalker.
* He was pretty sure he was going off the deep end, but he just wanted to make absolutely certain.
* This could be a whole new Jeff Foxworthy routine.
* Let’s see how it’d sound: “If you bought any kind of reptile to give to an ex, you might be a stalker.”
* Then Jeff could do a special overlap section about stalkers who are also rednecks.
* The guy can always claim he was just being sentimental: Maybe being around the snake reminded him of their relationship.
* Wait – I just looked up ball pythons. They’re shy but friendly, and the most popular pet python in the world. So maybe that brings down the creepy factor.
* Or not.
* This could get nasty in court. Even the snake has now lawyered up.
* Now it’s time for the scales of justice.