RAMPAGING MAN BLAMES TOO MUCH MASTURBATION

A Clearwater, Florida, man accused of vandalizing a home told deputies that he had listened to too much music and masturbated too much, which caused him to feel like “going out and destroying stuff.” Police officers responded to a call on April 8 of a man smashing a mailbox. They found William Timothy Anderson Thomas, 25, on the property, shirtless and covered in dirt. A trailer tire had been flattened, a window on the house was broken, and a mailbox, a real estate sign and a garden angel were completely destroyed. Thomas admitted to willfully and maliciously damaging the property. “He also stated he had listened to too much music and masturbated too much and he felt like going out and destroying stuff,” said the arrest affidavit. Thomas was arrested and charged with burglary and criminal mischief.
* Idle hands are the Devil’s playground.
* If he did this because of masturbating, he’s doing it wrong.
* Try doubling up on the Vaseline.
* What a jerk!
* ‘Roid rage? No, rod rage.
* Would it help if he bought himself a punching bag?
* If this happened to all guys, the Earth would just be one big junkyard.
* There’s no mention of any drugs, but sometimes that’s implied.
* In fact, this could be a candidate for our “What were they on?” game.
* I’d say there was booze involved but that was just the foundation buzz.
* Then, next I’m seeing a layer of meth and maybe just a sprinkling of bath salts.