PEDOPHILE TORTOISE KIDNAPPER

After Stacey Swayze-Krampota moved from Rosharon to Manvel, Texas a few weeks ago, her 5-year-old pet tortoise, Gracie, went missing. Stacey posted dozens of fliers until a man – 34-year-old Joseph Urbino – contacted her and demanded $1,000 ransom for Gracie’s safe return. Last Tuesday, Stacey confronted Urbino at his home. Sheriff’s deputies arrived and when they ran Urbino’s license plate, they discovered he had two outstanding warrants for aggravated sexual assault against a child. Urbino was arrested and Gracie was found stuffed inside a duffel bag inside a closet.
* “Ransom” is not an expression I’d expect to hear in regards to a turtle.
* The woman posted fliers ’cause tortoises looks so different from each other.
* Tortoises make great pets ’cause they’re so – y’know – demonstrative.
* And they love to play fetch. I mean, yeah, it takes an hour and a half for them to bring you the ball, but still ..
* Now comes the tough part: Getting Gracie to testify in court.
* Here I thought the town Rosharon must be in some other country. It’s another town in Texas. It’s only 6.8 miles away from Manvel. Gracie could have WALKED there.
* So Gracie came out of her shell, and this guy crawled out from under a rock.
* The tortoise is fine. It just saw the duffel bag as a metaphor for the womb.
* Hello? It could be time to get the tortoise GPS.