ONLINE MATCHUP ENDS WITH BASEBALL BAT TO THE HEAD

Haley Fox met Samuel Campbell online in 2013. Though they lived thousands of miles apart, they kept up an internet romance. Finally, Campbell, 26, moved from Alabama to live with Fox, 24, in Turner, Oregon. She laid out a romantic candlelit dinner for their first face-to-face date, and told him to close his eyes. Then she hit him in the back of the head with a metal baseball bat. Repeatedly. Campbell convinced Fox and another woman at the home that he would not go to the authorities if they took him to the hospital. They did, but he went to the police anyway. Campbell suffered a fractured skull that required nine staples. What made Fox hit him with the bat? She simply decided she didn’t want to be his girlfriend, so she bludgeoned him, according to police. Fox was sentenced to five years in prison last Wednesday after pleading guilty to charges of third degree assault and unlawful use of a weapon.
* That’s okay. I was already afraid of the internet before this.
* This is like if Quentin Tarantino directed an episode of “How I Met Your Mother.”
* And you thought those stories about people being being dumped with a text message were mean.
* The important thing, Samuel, is that you get right back on the horse. Get back out there and find the woman of your dreams. After the dizziness, vomiting, and migraine headaches stop, and they take the staples out of your skull.
* The romantic candlelit dinner part confuses me. Kind of a waste, no?
* At least the baseball bat in the story is a nice reminder that the baseball playoffs start today.
* All romances have bumps in the road. This one has bumps on the skull.
* I kind of get it. You don’t want to drag the relationship out, if it’s not going to work.
* However, sometimes just telling them works a lot better than … oh, I don’t know … assaulting them with a baseball bat.
* Once again, I have to say – hurry up with those sexbots!