HALF OF AMERICA DOESN’T GO TO THE MOVIES ANYMORE

He died in the line of dooty.

He says, “Father, I just committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily made love to his wife, and then ate all of his groceries. And I didn’t share anything.” Priest says, “You forgot pride.” Guy says, “No, I’m pretty proud of myself for this.”

The counter guy points to the shelf and said “There, just look at them”.

A shoe.

With a monkey.