GUY STEALS $160,000 WORTH OF JAMAICAN CHEESE

A New Jersey man has been charged with stealing more than $160,000 worth of Jamaican cheese, mon. Prosecutors said 18-year-old Darluis Ortiz stole pallets of Tastee Cheese products from a food warehouse in Moonachie, New Jersey, on September 23. Produced by Dairy Industries Jamaica Ltd., Tastee Cheese is a canned, processed cheese often eaten with spiced or sweetened buns, especially at Easter.
* Gee, I wonder if it’s as delicious as it sounds.
* Canned cheese on a bun for Easter. Well, it beats sweating in the kitchen cooking a ham all day.
* Look, if you don’t know the town name you don’t have to make up a name like Moonachie.
* Uh oh, I just Googled it and it looks like I owe the Borough of Moonachie an apology.
* There’s only around 2,700 people there but I apologize to them too.
* Once again, a crime in America involving large amounts of food. I see a pattern here.
* A canned, processed cheese? Well, it doesn’t get much better than that.
* And a classy name, too – “Tastee Cheese.” The only way to improve on that would be to spell “Cheese” with a “z” – Tastee Cheeze.
* Darluis Ortiz? Don’t tell Trump!