GUY RETURNS FOR LOST BRIEFCASE FULL OF COCAINE

Seattle police say a 19-year-old guy stopped to pet someone’s dog outside CenturyLink Field Sunday, but when he was done he had left his briefcase behind. The dog’s owner grabbed it and handed it over to an officer who was directing traffic. The officer opened it in hopes of locating the owner. Inside, he found four large bags and 27 smaller bags full of cocaine. It also contained the man’s ID card, cell phone, a scale, 50 diazepam pills, and a small amount of marijuana. Not long after that, the owner stopped back at CenturyLink Field and asked officers if they had found a briefcase. Yes they had, police told him. The man was arrested for possession of narcotics with intent to distribute.
* Prosecutors expect the Briefcase Case to be a brief case.
* Here’s what I think happened: The dog owner looked in the briefcase, almost crapped himself, and went looking for the nearest cop.
* “The guy’s ID is in here. I could just give it back, save him a lot of trouble. But then he’d have to kill me.”
* Diazepam is supposed to help you relax, but if you relax so much you let your briefcase of drugs laying around, you’re taking too much.
* And if you then go back and ask cops if they’ve seen your briefcase, you definitely are not thinking things through to the best of your ability.
* Anybody else think of Charlie Sheen during this story?
* No wait. With Charlie it’d be outside a baseball stadium. Charlie likes baseball.
* I hate to start rumors, but this guy sounds like he left the briefcase because he was high on drugs.
* Meanwhile the city’s drug dogs are thinking, “We work our asses off for a drug bust that big and this dog just stands there.”
* Hey, let’s be fair. It was Seattle – at least the small amount of marijuana was legal.