ELDERLY NEWLYWED SHOOTS NEW WIFE IN THE BUTT FOR NOT HAVING SEX

Donald Royce, 76, of Lehigh Acres, Florida, admitted to police that he shot his wife after an argument over her refusing his advances. Royce told deputies that they had been married since August but had yet to solidify their union in the bedroom. Royce claimed he never intended to shoot his 62-year-old wife, saying he just wanted to scare her by shooting the mattress. She was rushed to Lee Memorial Hospital with two gunshot wounds – one in the hip and one in the buttocks. The woman says she had dated Royce for six years before they decided to get married – but she never thought he was capable of such violence.
* I’m sure the consummation of his prison marriage will go much faster.
* He was only trying to scare her. So when the first shot missed the mattress and hit her, he decided to try again to scare her, and missed the mattress the second time.
* I guess after the second shot hit her, he figured she might be scared enough.
* At least the mattress got off easy.
* This kind of thing can happen when a young groom gets all excited and … wait, did you say he was 76?
* Okay, exactly how much Viagra did this guy take?
* Doctors said it was the worst case of blue balls they had ever seen.
* I like how they say the couple had yet to solidify their union in the bedroom. How polite. Don’t you mean hump like rabbits?