BLOOD-SHOT, PINKIE-CHOPPIN' IN WISCONSIN

A Suamico, Wisconsin, man is facing charges after allegedly chopping off a woman’s finger with a machete as part of a blood ritual. Police say 27-year-old Shelby Neuns was talking to Jonathan Schrap and his two friends about blood-drinking rituals last Saturday. Neuns offered to let someone cut her arm and drink her blood. She says Schrap used a machete to make a deep cut in her arm and then filled a shot glass with her blood and drank it. Later, someone had the idea to cut off someone else’s finger. Neuns says she was not using drugs or alcohol when she volunteered to have her pinky chopped off. She says Schrap used the machete to cleanly chop off her right pinky finger. He then put the finger in the freezer to cook and eat later, she told police. When Neuns went to her boyfriend’s house later that night, she showed him the injuries, and his mom made Neuns got to the emergency room. Staff at the hospital called the police. Police arrested Schrap and one of his friends. Neuns says she doesn’t want anyone to be charged because the ritual was voluntary.
* “Sure, you can cut my arm to drain my blood. Does anyone have a machete?” “I do.” This is what passes for conversation in Wisconsin?
* These kids today, huh?
* Did she at least get something out of this blood ritual? Like, the ability to read minds? Or three wishes? I mean, what’s in it for her?
* She says she wasn’t using drugs or alcohol, like that’s a good thing.
* “No drugs, no alcohol – I’m just normally completely whack.”
* The guy puts her finger in the freezer to cook and eat later. Doesn’t even offer to share. What a jerk!
* I know what happened. Earlier, her boyfriend told her, “I don’t like you hanging around this Jonathan Schrap character. In fact, next time you see him, I want you to give him the finger!”
* What good is a pinkie finger for anyway? Except, maybe your Dr. Evil imitation.
* This brings back memories of Wisconsin’s scariest resident and of course I mean Jeffrey Dahmer.
* Jeffrey wouldn’t have put the severed finger in the freezer. It was already too full of other body parts.
* You never hear a fun story with the phrase “blood ritual” in it.
* How did she feel about giving her blood? “Oh, positive.”