AUDIO: SON ASSAULTS MOM WITH CHIA PET
A Rock Hill, South Carolina, man is accused of throwing a Chia Pet at his mother. Justin Tyler Russell, 22, was charged with third-degree assault and battery. Russell’s mother said she was at her house picking up some items to bake a cake, and while there, Russell came into the kitchen and began yelling at her. Russell picked up a Chia Pet potted plant and threw it at her, then tore a bag of flour and spilled it on the floor. The victim had a bruise and swelling on her right elbow where the plant hit her.
* And now he’s off to j-j-j-jail.
* What year is it in Rock Hill? 1972?
* It could have been worse. He could have thrown the Lava Lamp at her.
* Or the Pet Rock.
* He couldn’t throw The Clapper at her ’cause that’s plugged into the wall.
* And the Pocket Fisherman? It’s just cheap plastic. Would probably break.
* Mr. Microphone would hurt. Also Billy Bass.
* Okay, that’s it. I can’t remember any more.
* How dumb. If someone is baking a cake you just let them. Then maybe later they’ll give you a piece.
* Unless she made up the part about the cake to sound more innocent in this matter.
* Damn, I’m getting so cynical lately.
* Assault with a Deadly Chia Pet. That doesn’t sound very threatening.
* After you read the charges in court you better wait a moment for everyone to stop laughing.
CLIP: “Ch-ch-ch-Chia!”
