ANOTHER WACKY NEWS STORY FROM FLORIDA: COUPLE ARRESTED SELLING GOLDEN TICKETS TO HEAVEN
Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested in Jacksonville, Florida, for selling “golden tickets to heaven”. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven – simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in. The tickets were just wood spray painted gold with ‘Ticket To Heaven – Admit One’ written in marker. Police busted them for false advertising – you can’t sell something as gold when it’s not.
In his statement to police, Tito told police:
“I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold … it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want … totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up …”
Amanda Watts said in her police statement:
“We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and smoke rock cocaine. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched.”
Police confiscated over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes and a baby alligator.
* Wow – just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder: alligator!
* You can tell they’ve already been to Planet Crack a few times.
* Sorry, but I don’t believe this guy’s story. No way an alien is going to be named “Stevie.”
* In all fairness, nobody’s proved the tickets don’t work.
* He’s willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up? Just when you’re starting to like a guy, he says something like this.
* Arrest Jesus? Jesus would say “Been there, done that.”
* These two need a one-way ticket to rehab.
* Oh, I see. $99.99 because spending over a hundred would be just nuts.
* Selling tickets to heaven? I’m afraid he’s got a lot of competition with that.
* It wasn’t easy but these two actually managed to hurt the image of crack cocaine.
* Now they’re out on bail selling golden tickets to Willie Wonka’s candy factory.
ACCOMPANYING SOUND BITE :06
(Clip: Since we seem to have a wacky news story from Florida almost every day (is it the heat? the humidity?), we’ve gone ahead and made a “Flori-DUH!” sounder. Enjoy!)
