PET TORTOISE CAUSES FIRE, BURNS TWO HOMES

In San Antonio, Texas, a pet tortoise accidentally knocked over its heat lamp causing a fire that spread through a pair of homes. The 150-pound tortoise apparently knocked over the heat lamp in its outdoor cage on Tuesday. The lamp fell onto a mattress which sparked the large fire which spread to the neighboring home. No one, including the tortoise, was injured in the late night fire, but the flames caused about $150,000 damage to the neighboring home.
* Let this be a lesson to all two of you pet tortoise owners out there.
* Their first mistake was giving the tortoise its own mattress.
* As if a tortoise can feel what it’s laying on from inside its shell! DUHHH!
* I must be out of it this morning because at first I wondered if the tortoise was playing with matches.
* This is when you want to be able to move quickly, like the hare.
* The tortoise was questioned later but all it could say was, “Everything happened so fast.”
* Maybe it wasn’t an accident. Maybe the tortoise was just sick and tired of one stinking piece of lettuce a day.
* Or maybe it didn’t like being in an outdoor cage in January.
* “Hello? I’m a tortoise, not a penguin!”
* Ironically, now it’s the neighbor’s house that’s just a shell.
* Don’t worry. I’m sure tortoise fires are covered in most home insurance policies.