CHICAGO PARENTS NAME FIRST BABY OF 2017 WRIGLEY

The Chicago Tribune was doing the typical first-baby-born-in-the-new-year story, and found that the first baby born in Chicago in 2017 was named … Wrigley. After a short labor, Ellen Dalbey delivered Wrigley Rose at 12:12 a.m. at AMITA Health Alexian Brothers Medical Center in Elk Grove Village. She weighed just under 6 pounds and has a bit of blondish hair, said her dad, Cubs fan Aaron Dalbey.
* Did you say Wrigley or Wrinkley?
* Wrigley Rose? Sounds like a Gummi flower.
* That’s a cute story and all, but do you really think the parents thought this through?
* If the Cubs had lost to Cleveland, would the baby have been named Progressive Field Dalbey?
* I’m going to go way out on a limb here and predict she’ll want people to call her Rose.
* Could have been worse. In Boston, there’s now a baby named Big Green Wall McGillicuddy.
* But aren’t all new babies wriggly at first?
* Maybe that could be a word to describe a suspicious election: It was wriggly.
* It wasn’t full-on rigged, just around the edges.
* I know for a fact that this kid will grow up to be a Chicago White Sox fan.
* Why? Because nobody wants to be stamped like this.