MAN ATTACKED BY BEAR, TWICE

A man in Washington state has been attacked by a bear not once, but twice. The man, known only as Bob, most recently was attacked by a bear April 16 after his dog spooked the animal. The incident happened at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, about 45 miles south of Seattle. Just four years ago, on the same trail, running with the same dog, Bob was attacked by a bear. That time, he “rolled up in a ball and stayed still.” This time, he fought back, grabbing a tree branch. The bear bit him more than 40 times and lashed at him with its claws. Wildlife officials never found the first bear, but the second time, they killed what they believe was the 300-pound attacker. Bob wonders if it could have been the same bear that attacked him in 2011. Washington wildlife officials said the odds of being attacked twice are nearly impossible. A third event is out of the question for Bob, who said he won’t be visiting those woods anymore because he’s “just getting too old to fight ’em anymore.”
* He’s not giving his last name, in case the bear is still out there trying to track him down.
* The dog spooked the bear? Maybe they’ve been working together all this time.
* “You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?” said the bear. (old joke punchline)
* The bear bit him more than 40 times? Was it even trying?
* “Sorry I keep biting you, but I haven’t been sleeping well and I just have no energy today.”
* If only there was, I don’t know, like, a spray bear repellant you could carry with you when you went hiking.
* Wow, this is odd. You have to understand that 45 miles south of Seattle isn’t exactly the middle of Yellowstone.
* Maybe it was the same animal like in that one Jaws sequel: This time it’s personal. Remember that? Where the shark tracked a specific family?
* That was the most ridiculous shark movie ever till Sharknado came along.
* He hit a 300-pound bear with a branch? I doubt the bear even felt that.
* So what have we learned here? Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you and then another bear gets you again.
* PHONE TOPIC: “It happened to me twice!”