TEXAS STATE FAIR FOODS

Here are some of the new, unique foods at this year’s Texas State Fair. These are actually more on the “culinary” side than usual:
– Crawfish Étouffée Stuffed Turkey Leg: Crawfish stuffed inside a slow smoked extra-large turkey leg.
– Dallas Hot: A smoked turkey frank is dunked in a fiery seasoned batter and deep fried, then smothered with mac and cheese, topped with fried jalapeños and then drizzled with Cholula hot sauce.
– Deep Fried I-35: Fried Kolache dough (a breakfast pastry), filled with smoked beef brisket and glazed with peach juice and Dr Pepper. Garnished with peach slices and powdered sugar. (* Leaves your stomach feeling like it’s been run over by a semi on the interstate.)
– Frozen Ranch Water: A cocktail consisting of silver tequila, Topo Chico sparkling water, and fresh lime. (* It’s the drink Texas cattle drink at the trough!)
– Pork Shots: Smoked sausage wrapped in bacon, filled with mac and cheese and sprinkled with a spicy BBQ rub.
– Texas BBQ Brisket Banh Mi: Served on a lightly toasted Vietnamese baguette that is topped with chopped smoked brisket, lightly coated in BBQ sauce, along with cilantro, cucumber, pickled daikon radish and carrots. Honey siracha aioli, hoisin sauce, and fresh jalapeño slices are served on the side. (* On the side of what? There’s still room on the plate?)
– Texas Easter Eggs: Spicy, cheesy Deep Fried Eggs – Warning: not actual eggs – filled with meats, spices, cheeses, peppers, decorated with a Easter-colored ranch sauce. (* This is like Texas Tootsie Rolls, which aren’t real Toosie Rolls either, if you know what I mean.)
– Brisket Brittle: Old-fashion peanut brittle, only with they replaced the peanuts with Texas brisket. (* Meat brittle. Mmm-mmMM!)
– Deep Fried PB & J & Razbrûlée: A deep-friend peanut butter sandwhich, mixed with crème brûlée and topped with jelly.
And just before you go on the spinny rides, eat this:
– Deep Fried Halloween: A large, deep-fried pretzel, bathed in candy corn syrup,covered in rainbow sprinkles and powdered sugar, some buttercream icing, then topped with candy like M&M’s®, Reese Pieces, Oreo cookie crumbles, and candy corn. Further topped with a marshmallow whip cream and a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. And then, drizzled with chocolate syrup caramel sauce and, because they hate you, even more candy corn drizzle.
* Just reading that last one makes my teeth ache from the sugar.
* Now, put the word “pie” at the end of every one of those.
* Plan on spending most of the following day in the bathroom.