THE MOST FLORIDA THINGS TO HAPPEN IN FLORIDA THIS YEAR

Writer Shannon McLellan has cataloged what she calls The Most Florida Things That Happened In Florida This Year:
– A Florida sheriff had to warn people not to shoot at Hurricane Irma.
– A Walmart employee found a 5-foot dead shark in the parking lot.
– People were very concerned whether a very large gator on a Florida nature reserve was an actual dinosaur.
– A barefoot guy stole a bearded dragon from someone’s house in the middle of Hurricane Irma.
– A family said they’d name their unborn child Duke, after the Duke Energy company, if the company would put their power back on after Irma.
– A possum broke into a Florida liquor store and got drunk.
– A Florida man was charged for eating pancakes in the middle of the road.
– A toothless woman got arrested after deputies found her dentures in a stolen car.
– A gator jumped up and hit the wing of a plane as it landed at Orlando International Airport.
– A woman got arrested for throwing hot nacho cheese at a 7-Eleven employee.
– 15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage fell through a family’s roof.
– A Florida man called 911 for a ride to Hooters.
– A guy told police he stole a forklift because he was tired of walking.
– A man was arrested after he claimed to be Jesus then flashed people in a Lowe’s.
* Jesus saves, at Lowe’s.
* And this was just in September.
* A dead shark at Walmart? That’s bizarre. They usually shop at Target.
* Oh, like other states are so perfect.
* Florida is like America’s weird uncle.