NEIMAN MARCUS WILL SHIP YOU A READY-MADE THANKSGIVING DINNER

If you’re playing host this Thanksgiving but have neither the time nor the ability to cook a homemade meal, don’t worry! Luxury department store Neiman Marcus can ship you a fully cooked turkey dinner for eight, for only $527. The “whole turkey meal” costs $495 (plus $32 for shipping) and includes eight 4-ounce servings of roasted turkey, gravy, sausage stuffing, sweet potato casserole with walnut streusel, monkey bread, strawberry butter, cranberry relish, either a farro pilaf or green beans with bacon and pickled pearl onions, a pecan bread pudding, and whiskey sauce.
* Being Neiman Marcus, the turkeys have been hand-fed since hatching, and the dinner is delivered on a solid mahogany Hacker-Craft speedboat for $250,000, along with a a private concert by Sir Elton John.
* No jello mold? No Ambrosia?
* Bread made from monkeys? Is that even legal?
* Sweet potatoes without marshmallows? They can’t be serious.
* Four-ounce servings, so basically two forkfuls per person.
* I don’t think Boston Market is worried.