AMAZON WANTS TO OPEN YOUR FRONT DOOR

On November 8, Amazon will begin offering a service called Amazon Key, that will give the Amazon delivery guy the ability to unlock your front door for 5 minutes so they can drop the package inside. The entire delivery will be live-streamed to the your device and also sent as a video snippet. The service is an effort to thwart package theft, as well as give you “choice, peace of mind and convenience,” in the words of Peter Larsen, Amazon’s vice president for delivery technology. The company has been testing Amazon Key for several months at various sites around the country and thinks it’s going to be a game-changer.
* … for eBay, with a whole new pile of stolen household goods to sell.
* Get ready for sales of pit bulls to skyrocket.
* It’s not like Americans can afford anything worth stealing in the first place, so I guess it’s alright.
* I wonder if the Amazon delivery guy will take the place of pizza delivery guys in porn videos?
* “Hi, ma’am. I’ve got … a package … just for you.”
* “Hey, look, honey, Amazon sent me a video of the guy who broke down the door after the Amazon guy left.”
* This is the plot of next year’s “The Purge” movie where the evil tech guy at Amazon presses a key unlocking everybody’s front door at once allowing all the purgers to get inside.