FOOD FIGHT #2: MAN JABS WIFE WITH WATERMELON

An Odessa, Texas, man has been arrested after allegedly assaulting his wife with a watermelon. Officers responded to a home for a call of a disturbance. When police arrived on scene they found Michael Bowlen, 40, had jabbed his wife in the torso with a watermelon, causing injury. He also allegedly punched his brother-in-law in the head.
* This Michael Bowlen sounds pretty seedy.
* So the brother-in-law was beaned.
* And his wife could have been gourd.
* Lettuce all calm down, said the cop, or you’ll turnip in jail.
* “I yam calm,” said Mr. Bowlen.
* Some people like their watermelon with assault.
* I expected this story to be juicier.