70-YEAR-OLD MAN WOULD RATHER BE IN JAIL THAN WITH HIS WIFE

A 70-year-old man accused of robbing a bank in Kansas told investigators he would rather be imprisoned than live with his wife. Lawrence John Ripple gave a note to a bank teller in Kansas City on Friday, demanding cash and warning he had a gun. Ripple took the money and went to sit in the lobby where he told a guard he was the “guy he was looking for.” Officers arrived quickly. An FBI agent wrote in the affidavit that Ripple had earlier been arguing with his wife. He told investigators he wrote the note in front of his wife, telling her he would “rather be in jail than at home.” Ripple was charged with bank robbery Tuesday.
* Give him the ultimate punishment: House arrest.
* If they do give him prison time, make sure he has conjugal visits.
* Would he rather live with his wife, or be his cellmate’s wife?
* He’ll be moving from the institution of marriage, to another institution almost as bad.
* He does know we have this thing called “divorce,” right?
* Does he get any points for choosing robbery instead of murder?
* If only there was a beverage Ripple could turn to for escape.
* I don’t know … maybe some kind of cheap wine.