WOMAN WAKES TO SPONGEBOB INTRUDER

A St. Petersburg, Florida, woman who had been asleep on her couch woke up Monday morning to find a man standing over her wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants mask. The suspect ran from the house and the victim called police. The suspect, later identified as Steven Charles Kirkland, 32, was spotted nearby looking through the window of a home where a woman was getting dressed. As police chased him, he tried to hide inside a trash can but was found and arrested. He was wanted for other crimes, as well.
* Sounds like puberty is hitting SpongeBob pretty hard.
* He got inside a trash can? How appropriate was that?
* Talk about a bottom-feeder.
* Maybe he just celebrates Halloween in February.
* You mean the guy ran from the house but then went on to another crime instead of going home? That’s really asking for it.
* I guess he figured, “I’m out. I got the mask on. Why go home now?”
* I’d rather an intruder have on a SpongeBob SquarePants mask, than no pants at all.
* Now he can soak up the love of his cellmate.

Today Is…

THURSDAY – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY – Mar 4

TUESDAY – Mar 3

Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!

TODAY’S ALMANAC

THURSDAY ALMANAC – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 4

TUESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 3

Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music

TODAY’S TRIVIA

THURSDAY TRIVIA – Mar 5

WEDNESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 4

TUESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 3

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

PINOCCHIO: THE HORROR MOVIE

No lie.

JOHN TRAVOLTA GETS ANOTHER PILOT’S LICENSE

With Travolta on the stick, you’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

ACTOR AWARD WINNERS

Some you know, some you don’t.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

TIMES SQUARE NAKED COWBOY, COWGIRL GETTING DIVORCED

Give me some space, cowboy.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

BROADWAY CANCELED SECOND NIGHT OF PERFORMANCES DUE TO BLIZZARD

“How do I get to Broadway?” “Practice, and a dogsled.”

TOM HANKS FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY ABE LINCOLN

Coming to a theater near you in four score months.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after 6 months…

posted March 4

The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor says, “You had twins, a boy and a girl. And your brother named them for you.” Woman says, “No, not my idiot brother! What did he name the girl?” Doctor says, “Denise.” Woman says, “Well, that’s a nice name. What did he name the boy?” Doctor says, “Denephew.”

What’s grey?

posted March 3

A melted penguin.

A cabbie picks up a nun.

posted March 2

After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.” The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”