WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (December 5-7)

After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.” The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”

Toe-knee.

When it’s going cheep.

Lawyers don’t think they are funny, and non-lawyers don’t think they are jokes.

The host says, “What’s the name?” Tut says, ” “Tutankhamun.” Host says, “How do you spell that?” Tut says, “Hawk, loaf of bread, water ripple, water ripple, wheat stalk, scarab, owl.”