WALMART WORKING ON IN-STORE DRONES

If, like most Americans, you find it too hard to walk the aisles of Walmart, here’s good news. Walmart is developing in-store drones which would shuttle products between different departments inside its stores. The idea is to free customers from having to walk aallllll the waayyyyyy (* gaahhhh!!!) across its super-sized stores to find what they want, and from having to wait while employees return from the storeroom in the back. The drones would mostly avoid buzzing above customers’ heads by being routed over shelves instead of store aisles.
* They ought to program the drones to chase people down the aisle. We could all use the exercise.
* Great, now “Clean-up on Aisle 5” could mean a customer’s head just got cut off by a drone.
* Wait till you see a drone fire a missile at a shoplifter.
* Okay, maybe just a tranquilizer dart.
* Wait – I thought the point of making you walk across the store was so you would see more stuff you’d be tempted to buy? Oh, sorry. For a second there I switched sides.
* Of course, in a national emergency the Walmart drones will be controlled by the CIA.
* Ahh, just walk across the store for your crap, you lazy bastards.
* Sorry, I’m not approaching this with a very good attitude, am I?