THE SEMEN ANALYSIS PHONE APP

Researchers are working on a device, costing less than $5 to make, that attaches to your cellphone and provides a quick and easy semen analysis. The device is still in development, but it is said to be just as accurate as the elaborate computer-assisted semen analysis machines costing tens of thousands of dollars in measuring sperm concentration, sperm motility, total sperm count and total motile cells. The software is designed with a simple interface that guides the user through the test with onscreen prompts. After the sample is inserted, the app can photograph it, create a video and report the results in less than five seconds. The test results are stored on the phone so that semen quality can be monitored over time.
* … if you’re into that sort of thing.
* Oh, come on!
* “Gee, I’m down from 250 million to 230 million! What do I do?”
* Create a video? Can you add music?
* Maybe “Cream” by Prince.
* Get ready, gals. Instead of sexting, guys are going to start sending videos of their sperm motility.
* As for getting the actual sperm sample? That, uh, software’s been around for years.
* Can’t wait to see them demo this at the iPhone store.
* The icon should be interesting.
* Semen analysis. You mean like if your semen needs a psychiatrist?
* Sorry, that was pretty dumb.
* But what’s there to analyze? It’s not like you’re going to do anything about it.
* “After the sample is inserted”? I don’t like the sound of that either.