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Today Is…
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TODAY’S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY’S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
BROADWAY CANCELED SECOND NIGHT OF PERFORMANCES DUE TO BLIZZARD
“How do I get to Broadway?” “Practice, and a dogsled.”
TOM HANKS FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY ABE LINCOLN
Coming to a theater near you in four score months.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
AUDIO: NPR HOST SUES GOOGLE FOR STEALING HIS VOICE
Oh, they did it, alright.
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
JOKE OF THE DAY
Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.
What do you can a man with no shins?
Toe-knee.
When is the best time to buy a bird?
When it’s going cheep.
What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they are funny, and non-lawyers don’t think they are jokes.
King Tut calls a restaurant to make a reservation.
The host says, “What’s the name?”
Tut says, ” “Tutankhamun.”
Host says, “How do you spell that?”
Tut says, “Hawk, loaf of bread, water ripple, water ripple, wheat stalk, scarab, owl.”
So Judas says to Jesus, “Hey, are you coming to the last supper tonight?”
Jesus says, “The what???”
Judas goes, “Uh, the SUPPER… Are you coming to the SUPPER tonight…”
U.S. NEWS
BURGER KING INSTALLS NEW AI SYSTEM FOR EMPLOYEES
You forgot to say thank you [zzzzzap!]
THE TOOTH FAIRY: $5.84
Toothflation.
COUPLE HAS FRYING PAN BATTLE
Too many kooks.
IMPORTANT PRODUCT RECALL: BONER BEARS CHOCOLATE SYRUP
Ask your doctor.
AUDIO: SUSPECT HID IN GARBAGE CAN, EXPOSED WHEN TRASH TRUCK CAME
Trash flash leads to rash dash.
WHATABURGER MANAGER USES TRASH CAN TO SUBDUE ABUSIVE CUSTOMER
Would have been funnier if it happened at Smashburger.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
LASER MOSQUITO KILLER
The Mosquitonator.
LOUVRE DIRECTOR RESIGNS AFTER OCTOBER HEIST
She is louvreing.
SEAGULL HIT BY SOCCER BALL, PLAYER SAVES THE DAY
The bird was not a dead duck.
NORWEGIAN CRUISE LINE TIGHTENS DRESS CODE
Ah wahnna ate mah roast bheef in mah gym showurts.
RICHARD III HITS AUDIENCE MEMBER WITH A SWORD
Was ever woman in this humour wooed?
FUNNY PICTURES
Right-click on images to
Copy or Save.
Just Put It On My Bill
Cloud Cap
Alien, Hot Dog Version
Muffin, No!
What? / Who?
Living The Dream
THE BUZZ
THE MOST ANNOYING CAR PASSENGER HABITS
Don’t touch the buttons.
BORING CAREERS THAT PAY
Are you looking for a career change? Now you can!
DUMB HEADLINES
These are actual headlines. Have your listeners vote for the dumbest.
THE MOST LYINGEST STATE
Beware Nevada.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU CLEAN YOUR HOME?
You’re not doing it right.
I USED TO JUDGE OTHERS, THEN IT HAPPENED TO ME
Lest you be judged.
I CAN’T DO THIS ONE ADULT SKILL
To be fair, 8 times tables are tough.
OLYMPIC NEWS FOR FRIDAY, FEB 20
Leaf blowers, declined credit cards and drunk reporters!
TRENDING
NEW MOVIES
Click on name for details and audio clips
SCREAM 7
Starts Friday, February 27 in theaters.
EPiC: ELVIS PRESLEY IN CONCERT
Starts Friday, February 27 in theaters.
HOW TO MAKE A KILLING
Starts Friday, February 20 in theaters.
PSYCHO KILLER
Starts Friday, February 20 in theaters.
Click on the title to go to an mp3 player. To download the mp3, right-click on the player and choose the “Save audio as” option.
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, Fedbruary 27.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
MAIL SNOW
A simple plan.
A & M AUTOLAND – Day Two
It’s Day Two of A&M’s Big Sale starting next week!
THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, February 20.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #11 – SNOWBOARD CROSS (for 2/20)
For Friday, February 20.
PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use show bumper donuts
OLYMPIC UPDATE #10 – SPEED SKATING (for 2/19)
For Thursday, February 19.
A & M AUTOLAND – Voice Mail
Big Al never quite gets the message.
OLYMPIC CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION
So you didn’t win a medal.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #9 – ICE HOCKEY (for 2/18)
For Wednesday, February 18.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #8 – ATHLETE VILLAGE (for 2/17)
For Tuesday, February 17.
OLYMPIC SPECIMEN CUP
Official sponsor of the Olympic Games.
OLYMPIC UPDATE #7 – FIGURE SKATING (for 2/16)
For Monday, February 16.
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