SUSPECT THREATENED TO POOP ON POLICE OFFICER

A Manchester, New Hampshire, woman is facing multiple charges after she allegedly threatened to defecate on a police officer trying to arrest her early Monday morning. Kristina Roberts, 18, is charged with simple assault and two counts of resisting arrest/detention. Her boyfriend, Samuel Caraballo, 19, is charged with criminal threatening. Manchester police were called to their address around 3 a.m. because they were fighting. When cops arrived, the couple became confrontational. They were both placed under arrest. As they waited for the transport wagon, Roberts allegedly placed her buttocks on the officer’s leg and threatened to defecate on her.
* Like that’s some kind of superpower or something now.
* I’m surprised this turned ugly. They seem like such a nice couple.
* Unfortunately, the officer also had to put down their pet, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
* Technically I guess they could charge her with bio-terrorism.
* Now she wants the whole incident wiped off her record.
* She’s now Number Two most wanted.
* They say this is exactly how Martha Stewart acted in prison.
* Quick, which SNL cast member grew up in Manchester, New Hampshire? Times up: It was Adam Sandler. Well, ‘grew up’ is a relative term.