STRANGLED WITH BRA, VICTIM HITS ATTACKER WITH CHICKEN

Police in Lexington, Kentucky, said a woman who was being strangled with a bra fended off her attacker by striking her in the head with a ceramic chicken. Patricia Leece, 61, opened her door early Monday and found stranger Ashley Sies, 31. Sies pushed her way into the house and wrapped a bra around Leece’s neck. The two fought for a good 15 to 20 minutes. Finally Leece saw a ceramic chicken on the floor so she picked it up and started bashing Sies on the head with it. Sies fell unconscious and Leece called 911. Police said Sies was apparently on drugs and believed she was being followed when she knocked on Leece’s door. She pleaded not guilty Tuesday to a charge of first degree burglary.
* One time I was almost strangled by a bra, but it turned out I had just put it on wrong.
* Ashley Sies was a stranger all right – stranger than anybody else who’s ever come to the door.
* “Apparently” on drugs? Yeah, let’s not rush to judgement.
* This is the worst experience a bra could have, if you don’t count Bruce Jenner getting breast implants.
* Strangled with a bra, hit with a chicken? That’s insan— oh, wait – you said Kentucky?
* And unlike the Kentucky basketball program, her stay in prison will not be one year and done.
* Oh, and since we’re on sports analogies, do you know why the 61-year-old beat the intruder? Home court advantage.
* Plus, she knew where the ceramic chicken was.
* The intruder’s just lucky the woman used the ceramic chicken and not the marble turkey next to it.
* I like the idea of an intruder on drugs trying to deal with this: “I must be hallucinating right now – is that really a chicken coming at me?”