If you’ve ever been to a SeaWorld park, you know that the front rows of the orca show are designated as “splash zones,” because you’re going to get wet. Over the October 19th weekend at SeaWorld in San Antonio, Texas, guests were watching Shamu swim around the tank preparing for his next trick – I’m sorry – his next “behavior” – when suddenly Shamu did in the tank what bears do in the woods. And then, he jumped, and the feces-filled water splashed over the first few rows of SeaWorld guests. Park employees quickly led impacted guests to a designated decontamination location where they received bottled water, soap, and towels. They were also invited to use the park’s bathing facilities. SeaWorld San Antonio issued an apology saying, “We regret this unfortunate event and are taking every step to ensure the safety and comfort of our guests. Our team followed established protocols to minimize health risks and will review our procedures to prevent this from happening again.”
* Shamu? More like Sham-poo.
* “SeaWorld – The Crappiest Place on Earth!”
* In the Inuit culture, this means you’ll have good luck. Good, smelly luck.
* The “splash zones” are now called “splash-n-plop zones.”
* I suppose now they need to hire someone to give the whale an enema before the show.
* (knock knock) “Shamu, showtime! You’re on!” “Can you give me five more minutes? I’m having tummy troubles.” “No! Get out of there and perform for the people!”

A Chinese aquarium is being ripped after its much-hyped giant whale shark was revealed to be a robot. The Xiaomeisha Sea World in Shenzhen re-opened on October 1 following a five-year renovation. The new main attraction of the park was a whale shark, the world’s largest fish, capable of growing over 60 feet in length. There are only a few whale sharks in captivity. A very large tank is required and the shark has specialized feeding needs. So visitors felt a bit cheated when they noticed the whale shark was actually just a robot. There are gaps in its torso where its segments have been connected. The aquarium addressed the criticism, claiming that the robo-shark was not devised to lie to visitors but rather to adhere to international laws banning the trade of whale sharks.
* Catfished!
* Dummies! Advertise it as a cyborg shark and double the attendance!
* People aren’t asking for their money back, ’cause then they would just go missing.
* Like the workers who were supposed to cover those gaps with fake sharkskin.
* If I were to guess I’d say Elon Musk was behind this.

A woman recently posted a story on Reddit’s “Am I the A-hole?” She had just won $50,000 in a lottery. She wrote, “Before I won, my boyfriend and I would always joke about how, if I ever hit it big, I’d ‘split it three ways’ between me, him, and his dog, Baxter. Baxter is a golden retriever, and I love him, but I always thought it was just a joke.” But then she won the money and found out her boyfriend was “dead serious” about Baxter getting a share of the money. He insisted that Baxter deserves $10k in a “dog trust fund’ for future vet bills, toys, and “whatever he needs.” She refused, although she did treat Baxter with a “fancy dog bed and some expensive treats.” But the boyfriend said “that doesn’t count because it wasn’t part of the ‘official’ $10k I supposedly promised.” He mentioned “going to a lawyer to set up the dog trust fund to ‘make it official.'” So, she asked others if they really thought she was in the wrong. The answer, of course, was a resounding no. The woman also said she dumped the boyfriend.
* So she’s a winner, twice.
* This might have turned out different if Baxter was a pit bull.
* Or if Baxter had picked the numbers.
* The sad part of this story is, the dog is stuck with that loser.
* $10,000 to a dog, that’s ridiculous. Now if they had a cat…

In Newfoundland, Canada, the annual Conception Bay South T’Railway Trek half marathon was underway when the runners ran past a pumpkin patch where a goat resided. The goat became excited, broke free from his tether and metal collar and joined in the race. Joshua the goat ran about 3 miles before the owner caught up to him and loaded him into her car. But had become so popular with his fellow runners and spectators that the owner drove him to a spot about 800 feet from the finish line so he could finish the race. Joshua was presented with a participation medal at the finish line.
* Which he ate.
* Her goat running away really got her goat. Then SHE got her goat.
* Three miles for a goat is not b-a-a-a-a-a-d.
* In fact, among goats who run marathons, this goat is the GOAT.

Five horses escaped from the St. Louis Renaissance Festival in Wentzville, Missouri. Three police officers, including an animal control officer, were nearby and rushed to Rotary Park to wrangle them up. A statement from the Wentzville police said the officers quickly teamed up to safely guide the horses back to their stable and assisted in repairing the fence to prevent any more escapes.
* And joust in the nick of time.
* Did they have to say, “Your steeds are returned, m’lady”?
* The cops were rewarded with a facepainting and a turkey leg.
* As a visitor to the Renaissance Fair, you can leave anytime. The horses are not so lucky. All the way back they kept going “Nay! Nay!”
* And they had such long faces.

A Scandinavian Airlines flight was forced to make an unexpected landing in Denmark when a mouse leaped from a passenger’s meal and began running around the cabin. The plane was flying from Oslo, Norway to Málaga, Spain when the mouse popped out of a food tray, spooking passengers. The pilot was forced to land in Copenhagen due to a policy that prohibits rodents on flights because they can chew through electrical wiring. A representative from the airline said, “This is something that happens extremely rarely.”
* At least it wasn’t a peanut – those things can set off an allergic reaction.
* Luckily, the mouse was too full of the chicken teriyaki to want to eat wiring.
* When a mouse tries to chew through electrical wiring, don’t you just get a cooked mouse?
* You just know the airline is thinking, “How can we pin this on Boeing?”
* At least they weren’t flying to a Disney park.

If you have a cat, you may think a modern self-cleaning litter box is the way to go. However, one popular design is not – it has been linked to more than a few cat deaths. The box was initially sold under the brand name Amztoy, but similar designs are sold under dozens of names across Amazon, Wayfair, and other outlets. Philip Bloom, who runs the “One Man Five Cats” webcast, bought one of these litter boxes to test it out himself, and it didn’t take him long to spot a fatal flaw. The unit has an inner box that, when in operation, mechanically rotates to loosen the litter inside. But as the box rotates, the inner box entry hole gets cut off by the outer box. Imagine an elevator with the doors open, suddenly moving to another floor – the opening works like a guillotine. The mechanism is strong enough to catch and crush a cat trying to escape while the unit is in motion. Many cat owners have contacted Bloom with stories of trapped and strangled and crushed kitties.
* Amztoy Litter Boxes, a division of DogCo.
* “Amztoy – One way or another, you won’t have to clean litter anymore.”
* Do the cats get eight chances before the ninth one gets them?
* I think the tables are finally starting to turn in the Cats vs. Humans War.
* We have a litter box of death, but it’s just a regular plastic tub. Our cat just has digestive issues.

A California couple driving east on the 91 Freeway in Riverside spotted a kitten stranded on the westbound side. The couple, both in their 20s, made a quick decision to rescue it. They took the next off-ramp and circled back, slowing to about 30 mph in the HOV lane with the car’s flashers on. The woman, who was driving, slammed on the brakes and stopped, pulling as far out of the carpool lane as she could. The man jumped out, took off his shirt and scooped up the kitten. But then a car coming up behind them didn’t brake in time and swerved into the center divider, heading right toward the man holding the cat. He jumped over the wall, losing the cat. The driver then swerved the other way, clipped the bumper of another car and careened across all lanes of the freeway, hitting a tractor-trailer. No one was seriously hurt, but one person was taken to a hospital for treatment of minor injuries. The semi drove off, apparently unaware it had been hit. The cat escaped alive.
* And on it’s little notepad, it crossed out “26” and wrote “29.”
* Not only do they try to kill us in our houses, now they’re getting us on our highways.
* Folks, don’t stop in the middle of a highway to catch a cat. Park on the side and shake a little bag of cat treats.
* To top it off, while the man was holding the kitten, it peed on his shirt.

A hunter was attacked by a brown bear, then accidentally shot himself while he was being mauled. It happened on Alaska’s Kenai Peninsula. Tyler Johnson, 32, was searching for bears with his father, Chris Johnson, an Alaska Wildlife Trooper, when they spooked the bear in thick brush. As Tyler was being tackled by the bear, he pulled out a pistol but shot himself in the thigh before firing seven more shots into the bear. His father, Chris, also fired shots at the bear, which ultimately died. Tyler suffered severe injuries from the attack to his right leg, as well as the gunshot. It took 90 minutes for a helicopter to arrive and airlift him to hospital. He is expected to recover.
* When asked how he was feeling, he said “Man, I’m shot.”
* So … how much experience did his dad have as a Wildlife Trooper? First week on the job?
* “You want to search for bears in thick brush, Tyler? Okay, no problem – let’s go!”
* Maybe next year they can just go hunting for antiques instead.

Vanessa Chaput was out jogging in her hometown of Haines Junction, in Canada’s Yukon territory, late at night with her German shepherd, Luna. She turned a corner and came face to face with three bears – a big male and two cubs. Her dog Luna took off after the two smaller bears, leaving Chaput alone with the male bear – which promptly charged at her. She says it took her head in its mouth and tossed her around. The bear finally backed off when it bit down on her hair clip, and the spring part exploded in his mouth. The bear finally retreated. She called 911 and had a 10-day hospital stay, where she received care for a broken arm, as well as upward of 30 stitches on her head, back, arm, and ear.
* All you joggers out there must be thinking: Where can I get some of those poorly-made hair clips?
* The three bears were cranky ’cause someone had been eating their porridge, sitting in their chairs, and sleeping in their beds.
* She’s lucky the bear didn’t bite down on the exploding hair clip and think, “Cool! Pop Rocks!”
* See? Jogging isn’t as good for you as people say.