An Amish family in Michigan had their horse and buggy jacked after stopping in at a Walmart. The family stopped to shop at a Walmart in Sturgis, Michigan. When they came out of the store, there was no trace of their buggy. A truck driver parked in the lot reported he had seen a woman jump into the buggy and take off with it. The horse and buggy were found unoccupied later in the evening around two miles away. The suspect, a 31-year-old local woman, was later found at a nearby motel and arrested for larceny of livestock.
* What’s worse, the catalytic converter was missing.
* She abandoned the buggy when the engine got hungry.
* Did the horse not leave a, you know, a trail to follow?
* It’s like a Grand Theft Auto mission from 1840.

An inmate escaped from the Tennessee police, right in the middle of an extreme cold snap and a snow storm. Demarkus Davis, 20, jumped out of a patrol car bound for the Shelby County Jail on Sunday night. Just 45 minutes later, he turned himself over to police because it was so cold. The temperature at the time was 13 degrees. Davis was still handcuffed when they re-arrested him.
* That saves a couple of seconds anyway.
* So he’s freezing. Where do they take him? To the cooler. What the hell?
* With the handcuffs, he could barely even rub his hands together.
* I hope the officers aren’t expecting a medal for their brave work on this one.
* He was hoping to escape and just chill, but 13 degrees is nuts.

A man involved in a hit-and-run in Flagler Beach, Florida, was hiding crystal meth between his buttcheeks after being pulled over by police. A woman named Clara Smith was actually driving at the time but her passenger, Andrew Croswell, claimed to be driving when the accident occurred. The 35-year-old said he did not stop because he didn’t think he had hit anyone. Deputies not only found methamphetamine in Smith’s purse, but Croswell admitted that he had crystal meth “between the cheeks,” and after —quote— “digging through his buttcrack,” the methamphetamine was recovered by the officers.
* …who just don’t get paid enough to do that.
* A couple of crack investigators.
* Worst. Man Purse. Ever.
* I’m no meth fiend, but I would say to that guy: you’re doing it wrong.
* It’s like Reese’s Cups: “Hey, you got meth in my crack.” “You got your crack on my meth!”

A man who allegedly snatched a woman’s purse in Vallejo, California, was found hiding in a doghouse. Police responded to the robbery call, searched the area, and located the suspect, who was literally hiding in a doghouse at the rear of a residence. The robbery suspect was then arrested and the purse was returned to the victim.
* “Who’s a bad boy? Who’s a bad boy? You are! Yes you are!”
* The suspect was taken to jail, where he was wormed and booked.
* From the doghouse to the big house.
* A doghouse, because the cathouses are in a different part of town.
* Will they sentence him in people years, or dog years?

A 23-year old man drove a truck straight into Lake Michigan while fleeing police Traverse City, Michigan. The Ford F-150 had been driving erratically and a deputy tried to pull it over for a traffic stop, but the driver sped away. At one point, that driver got out of the truck, and his passenger slid over and kept the chase going. He drove into the Clinch Park Marina, then down a boat ramp right into Lake Michigan. which ended up submerging the pickup in West Grand Traverse Bay. Arrested were the two 23-year olds who had been driving the pickup truck.
* That idea worked a lot better in that James Bond movie.
* This is why The Fast and the Furious has never done an underwater chase.
* Next comes the fine for illegal diving.
* Always go swimming with a buddy. Or, at the least, an accomplice.
* The the piranhas attacked.

In Orange County, Florida, Amanda Brochu had her entire driveway stolen. Brochu put her home up for sale in early December. Soon afterwards, several people identifying themselves as contractors stopped by the home to measure the concrete slab driveway. She doesn’t know why they came. One told her he was hired by a man named Andre to do an estimate. She called Andre, and Andre told her it was a mistake with the address. But the following week, Brochu’s entire concrete driveway went missing. She has a replacement estimate of $10,000 – which she doesn’t have – and is ready to move into her next house as soon as she sells this one…as soon as it gets a driveway.
* I bet Andre could sell her one – some assembly required.
* Why does this woman need a house if she’s never home long enough to notice someone stealing her driveway?
* And I thought porch pirates had a lot of nerve.
* Yeah, some crooks start out stealing driveways. Next thing you know, they’ve worked their way up to highway robbery.