A Florida Man stole an electric cart from a Walmart in Lakeland, then took off for a near mile-long chase. The man, identified as “Troy,” shoplifted several items of jewelry and hand-held game devices, loaded them onto one of Walmart’s electric shopping carts and took off, hitting speeds up to 2 miles per hour. Someone called the police to report an electric shopping cart along the highway. Deputies quickly caught up to him. Troy was charged with grand theft and unlawful possession of a shopping cart, a real crime in Florida.
* Grand-pa Theft Auto.
* Everything moves a little slower in Florida.
* 2 miles an hour? Did they try, like, walking alongside of it and flipping the “Off” switch?
* Well, it’s nice that the electric cart got to see a little of the town.

Four Los Angeles County men have been indicted for several armed robberies of mostly 7-Eleven stores in South Los Angeles during a nearly two-month crime spree. They were caught when one of them allegedly posted a photo on Instagram of himself holding some of the stolen cash. Investigators discovered an Instagram post of one of the suspects, Jordan Leonard, who posted a photograph of himself on Instagram holding stacks of cash stolen the same day from a 7-Eleven store in South Los Angeles. He captioned it “love my bros we go hit every time.” He also tagged the Instagram accounts of two of the other robbers.
* They should also charge him with felony abuse of grammar.
* He posted on Instagram ’cause he didn’t have any business cards to leave at the crime scene.
* Sometimes you should just stick with pictures of the food you’re about to eat.
* They could save a step and use that picture as his mugshot photo.

Ninety giant African snails were confiscated by US Customs and Border Protection at the Detroit Airport. An odd odor coming from a passenger’s bag tipped off agriculture specialists. The passenger was arriving from the West African country of Ghana. The African snails – ranging from 3 to 6 inches long – were subsequently seized, according to customs agents. The Giant African land snail is one of the most damaging snails in the world because they consume at least 500 different types of plants, can cause structural damage to plaster and stucco, and can carry a parasite lungworm. They grow up to eight inches in length and more than four inches in diameter. It is believed the snails were intended to be eaten.
* Boy, airplane food has really gone downhill.
* Unless they were being flown in to appear as a dinner in the next season of The Bear.
* “Please, these are my emotional support snails! This is Charlie, this is Anna, this one is Lester …”
* I guess when it comes to bad odors from luggage, this could have been much much worse.
* It’s lucky they caught the snails. The TSA was having trouble keeping up with them.

Two women are accused of stealing thousands of dollars in roast beef from an Arby’s in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Last July, the Arby’s owner found a discrepancy in the roast beef log sheets. She later discovered two employees were slicing extra beef and hiding it in a non-working oven. Employees are allowed to take home leftover beef at the end of their shift, with permission. The women would ask to take the leftover beef, then slip in the slices they had hidden. The ladies stole an estimated $2,800 in roast beef, along with 143 drinks, 16 food items, and 49 “other” things, totaling $3,495.
* Beat THAT, Hamburglar!
* If I were the defense attorney, first I’d make Arby’s prove that it’s actually beef.
* I bet detectives grilled them for a confession.
* Arby’s can deduct the stolen amount from their hourly paychecks and have it repaid by, oh, the year 3000.

A bank robbery suspect was arrested after handing a teller a note demanding one cent. Michael Patrick Fleming, 41, entered a Chase Bank in Lady Lake, Florida, and filled out a withdrawal slip for one cent. He handed the note to a teller. The teller told Fleming a one cent withdrawal wasn’t possible. He told the teller, “So you want me to say the other word?” The teller became fearful and notified law enforcement. Fleming was arrested on a charge of robbery. He did not have a weapon.
* And, literally, he has no cents.
* What was the other word? “Penny”? “Please”?
* So the teller called a COPPER!
* Was there a gumball machine in the bank lobby?
* Well, that’s MY two cents.

A Chicago homeowner fought off a burglar with a frying pan. Jason Williams arrived home around 3 p.m. when a security app alerted him of the home invasion. He went into his house, looked for an available weapon, and the first thing he saw was a frying pan. He grabbed it just as the burglar came downstairs. The burglar ran out the front door. Home security footage shows the intruder jumping off the front porch as Williams chased him with the frying pan. They run around the side of the house, off camera, where three loud bangs can be heard. The chase returns to the front yard where the burglar makes it through the iron front gate just as police arrive and nab him.
* As Emeril Lagasse says, “BAM!”
* You see, Supreme Court? You don’t need a bump stock. You need cookware.
* Good thing he didn’t go for the knife drawer.
* I bet police took him down to the station where they gave him a good grillin’.
* Unlike the frying pan, the charges will stick.

The FBI asked for help identifying a man accused of robbing a Fort Worth, Texas, bank while holding a small child. The robber walked into the First Convenience Bank inside a Walmart and passed the bank teller a note demanding cash while he had a child in a shopping cart. After stealing the money, he pushed the cart toward the exit, grabbed the child and fled. Authorities described the robber as a thin, white male between the ages of 35 and 45 years old. He was last seen wearing a baseball hat, black sunglasses, a multi-color “fishing shirt,” khaki-colored cargo shorts, and “Hey Dude” shoes.
* Well, you didn’t think he’d leave her in a hot car, did you? He could get into a lot of trouble for that.
* He is said to answer to the name “Mr. Mom.”
* I can’t believe I missed Take Your Daughter To Work Day.
* “Give me all your money. Hurry it up! We’re late for Aqua-Tots!”
* What do you think exploded first, the dye pack or the kid’s diaper?

OKLAHOMA COUPLE ARRESTED FOR CATTLE RUSTLING

An Oklahoma couple is facing 28 felony charges for stealing cattle and selling them. Brandy Ingram-Myers and her husband, Joshua Myers, were arrested for an unrelated burglary. During the arrest, investigators found more than $20,000 of cash on them. Brandy explained that they received that money for selling 25 head of cattle, but deputies did some investigating and found those cattle had been stolen. Video surveillance allegedly caught Brandy and her husband dropping off the cattle using a stolen truck and trailer, before picking up their check for over $42,000. Each of the 28 felony charges carry up to life in prison for each separate charge, due to multiple former felony convictions.
* What year is it in Oklahoma – 1886?
* What was the unrelated burglary – robbin’ the stage?
* Cattle rustling. Will they ever loin?
* 28 life sentences, but with good behavior, they could be out after 23.
* This is how the Hamburglar started.

Two people were arrested in a LEGO theft ring bust after almost 3,000 boxes of stolen LEGO toys were found in a California home. Arrested were Richard Siegel, 71, (* 71!) and Blanca Gudino, 39. Gudino had been identified by security cameras as a suspect stealing multiple LEGO sets from area toy stores, and delivering them to Siegel’s home in San Pedro, where police found over 2,800 LEGO sets, each ranging in price from $20 to $1,000.
* Police estimate the haul at 800-eleventy-bazillion dollars.
* They had almost enough bricks to complete their full-size model of the Starship Enterprise.
* Why does the 71-year-old want so many LEGO kits? Sick of jigsaw puzzles?
* Police now have a lot to build a case with, and they’ve started putting the pieces together.

Officers in St. Petersburg, Florida, arrested a man for spray painting a wall. When officers confronted him, he wouldn’t talk. But when told that he was required to identify himself, he told police his name was ‘Mr. Monopoly’ and provided a date of birth of 4/20/1969. He was subsequently identified as Ryan Howard, 33, via his Maine driver’s license. Mr. Howard was charged with criminal mischief and for providing cops with a fake name and date of birth.
* Not identity theft?
* Of all the times for Mr. Monopoly to be caught without a “Get out of jail free” card.
* Then he tried to pay his bail with Monopoly money.
* He was spray-painting on the wall “I Hate Mr. Peanut.”
* Looks like Mr. Monopoly has lost at the Game of Life.
* Remember – if you want to take a Risk, you’d better catch a Clue.