Police in Texas have busted another Lego crime ring. A group of men were involved. Yes, grown men. The group of at least 10 men would buy items at stores, usually under $2, with their credit cards, then alter the receipts to make it look like they bought expensive Lego sets. Later, another one of the gang would enter the store, pick up the expensive Lego sets on the fake receipt, and walk out. If they were questioned by a store clerk, they simply produced the altered receipt, police said. They would then sell the stolen Lego sets to another man, who was selling them online at as much as a 70% discount from their retail value. The Lego sets the group stole were worth a combined $400,000. The gang targeted stores in 50 North Texas cities.
* Police have a lot to build a case with, now that they’ve put the pieces together.
* $400,000 – that’s, what, about 8 Lego sets?
* And you know 100,000 Lego bricks cost about a dime to manufacture, so isn’t Lego kind of asking for it?
* Legos are recommended for 6 thru 12 years. Which is the same sentence the judge is going to give them – 6 to 12 years.
* Wanna thank the Texas police for explaining to America how to do an altered-receipt shoplifting scam. Thanks, bros!

In Massachusetts, a man became stuck inside a chimney while trying to evade cops. As the cops knocked on the front door, they saw two men fleeing the home via the roof. One jumped off. Police officers scaled the roof and found the other man had jumped down the chimney and was stuck inside. (* The reindeer must have ratted him out.) “You’re an idiot,” said an officer. They called for the fire department to come and rescue the wanted man. Firefighters took apart the chimney brick-by-brick from inside the home as the man waited to be taken into custody. The other suspect, who jumped off the roof, remained at large.
* That’s OK. I bet Santa got called an idiot his first couple of times, too.
* So his plan was to go down the chimney to get inside the house BACK WHERE HE STARTED FROM. Yeah – idiot.
* As many people have pointed out, it is flue season.
* If only he hadn’t gone back for seconds on Thanksgiving.

In St. Louis, Missouri, a man who police saw walking to his car with about $500 worth of allegedly stolen Red Bull energy drinks led officers on a pursuit where speeds topped 120 mph. Anthony Simpson, 33, has been already been convicted of stealing Red Bull from local supermarkets on three different occasions. Officers identified Simpson walking to his car from a supermarket with a shopping cart full of Red Bull. Police activated their lights and sirens, but Simpson took off, leading police on the high-speed chase, weaving in and out of traffic and driving on the shoulder of the highway. Eventually, he lost control of the vehicle and crashed into a concrete barrier. He then refused to get out of the vehicle until police fired pepper balls at him, and he then complied.
* Red Bull gives you wings! And a felony record!
* 120 miles per hour! Jeeze, did he put it in the gas tank?
* Luckily, the cops had just had a couple cups of espresso.
* You gotta admit, this would make a dandy commercial for the product.
* This is the opposite of what happens with people who shoplift SleepyTime Tea.

A woman caught shoplifting at a California 7-Eleven used a lighter and an aerosol can to spray flames at an employee who confronted her. According to the Manhattan Beach Police Department, an employee of the convenience store saw the woman stealing food items from the store. The employee confronted the shoplifter, at which point she produced a lighter and an aerosol can, lighting the spray to create a makeshift flamethrower. The clerk avoided serious injury, but the flames were enough of a distraction for the suspect to flee the scene on foot. They are still looking for her.
* Someone’s been taking lessons from Gina on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” reruns.
* At least she didn’t have a 5-gallon can of gasoline.
* “MacGyver: The Next Generation.”
* Then she zoomed away on a skateboard mounted with a giant fan.
* There are a lot of things at 7-Eleven you can use as a weapon. The hot dogs, for one.
* And if you could figure out how to weaponize all the cholesterol from those snacks, you’d be sittin’ pretty.

A pastor walked into his South Memphis church and found the building had been ransacked: the side door was ripped off, the speakers in the sanctuary were removed from the wall, and his office was a mess. Pastor Gregory Harris, of Greater New Hope Baptist Church, said, “The thing that got me the most was when I walked in my office, I could hear water running and the toilet was gone. They took the whole toilet.”
* As foretold in the book of John.
* That’s a lot of work. I bet they were pooped.
* As sins go, stealing the Throne of God has got to be the worst.
* Now when the Pastor has to go to the can, he can’t.

In Dearborn, Michigan, police got involved in an unusual high-speed chase last month. They spotted a stolen Hyundai Santa Fe SUV at a gas station. As officers approached the car, the driver backed away in reverse gear and took off. The driver kept going backwards down the four-lane road as police followed and oncoming cars pulled out of the way. Amazingly, he didn’t hit anything. After about a mile, the driver gave up and pulled over.
* The cops yelled: “Up hands your with out come!”
* Was he hoping to somehow turn back time?
* Roll back his odometer?
* Maybe he was from Superman’s Bizarro World?
* This is not how to move forward in life.
* If you’re gonna steal cars, you gotta practice your bootlegger turns. Saw that on Top Gear.

Police say four men approached an Oak Park, Illinois, resident back on October 29 around 7:30 pm. The men attempted to purchase a Nike ski mask from the man. The man declined, and the four men stole the ski mask while one of them pulled out a firearm. The men left in a black SUV. The estimated loss is $40.
* Police are on the lookout for three men attempting to steal three more ski masks.
* In case you’re confused, yes, you’re supposed to have the ski mask on BEFORE you do the robbery.
* Maybe it was just some kind of gang initiation scavenger hunt.
* What I’m taking from this is, who can afford to ski if a stupid ski mask costs $40?

Officers stopped a man and a woman driving a stolen car in Southeast Portland, Oregon. They searched the car and discovered cash, a loaded revolver, two scales — and a bag that had “Definitely not a bag full of drugs” printed on it. Inside that bag was… drugs – methamphetamine and fentanyl. The couple in the car were arrested.
* Oh, come on, everybody lies these days. It’s expected.
* So listen, folks. Don’t print “Definitely not a bag full of drugs” on your bag full of drugs. It doesn’t actually keep police from looking inside.
* Police were tipped off ’cause the side of the car said “Definitely not a stolen car.”
* I hope they charge them with a felony attempt at irony.

After robbing a Brooklyn, New York, bank, the robber went on the run. But he was captured later that morning after he stopped for breakfast at a Lower East Side Chinese restaurant. A tracking device hidden in the stolen cash led cops to the New Kim Tuong Restaurant, where the suspect ordered some shrimp fried rice, and sat down to eat before leaving. Police took the man into custody without incident.
* His fortune cookie said, “Expect the unexpected.”
* It also said, “Your lucky numbers are 8-to-10, with good behavior.”
* He would have gotten away if he hadn’t waited for them to box up the leftovers.
* Of course, he was hungry again by the time they got him to the station.
* The lesson here is: No more exploding dye packs in stolen money – they’re using tracking devices now – so, heads up, bank robbers!

A Washington State Patrol trooper stopped a driver in the HOV lane for having his passenger seat dressed in a plaid shirt. The driver was stopped during the morning commute earlier this week on northbound Interstate 405 in Renton. Instead of the required passenger for the carpool lane, the driver had dressed the passenger seat in a large plaid shirt in an apparent attempt to make it seem like they had a person sitting in it. The fine was $186, plus an additional $200 if you try to pass off a dummy as a passenger.
* In this case, the driver was the dummy.
* They should throw in another $100 for lack of effort.
* $186! Dress your seat in a shirt, they take the shirt off your back.
* “But officer, this is my good friend Calvin Klein.”