A driver lost control of his car and drove into a swimming pool in Redlands, California. The unusual thing about the story is, it was an indoor swimming pool at a 24-Hour Fitness Center. Video footage from the incident shows a black car resting in the middle of the pool before it is lifted out. Fortunately, the pool was unoccupied at the time of the incident. The driver was treated for minor injuries. A statement from the Redlands Fire Department said, “Thankfully, no one was injured, but this could have been tragic.”
* No one was injured because, come on, it’s the holidays., Who goes to the gym at Christmastime?
* Did the driver yell “Cannonball!” as he drove into the pool?
* 24-Hour Fitness: join today and get a free car wash.
* Don’t you hate it when you flood your car’s engine?

In Indianapolis, a man missing for three days was discovered dead in a Planet Fitness tanning bed. The body of Derek Sink, 39, was found around 9 a.m. — about four hours after the fitness center opened for business. The gym closes at 9 p.m. on Fridays and is open from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. On Sunday, Mr. Sink was reported missing by family who had not heard from him since Friday. A woman who visited the gym Monday morning said a foul smell was wafting through the building before the body was found in the tanning bed. (* Have you been to a gym? How can you tell the difference?) A needle was found in the tanning room at Planet Fitness. Mr. Sink’s family told the local news that he had dealt with drug problems, but he will be remembered as a kindly person.
* He was kindly; now he’s sorta jerky.
* Please tell me nobody said “Stick a fork in him, he’s done.”
* Came THIS CLOSE to a free cremation.
* I do feel sorry for the family. They’ve still got to pay two more years on his gym membership.

Rita Romagnoli, of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, was playing slots with her husband at Live! Casino at the Westmoreland Mall in Pittsburgh back on July 28 when an overhead pipe in the ceiling burst, drenching her in fecal matter. Romagnoli’s attorney said, “She didn’t know what had fallen on her, but it didn’t take her long to figure out it smelled pretty bad. A couple days later, she ended up in the hospital with bacterial pneumonia.” Romagnoli and her husband are suing the casino, seeking $30,000 in damages.
* Drebched in sewage while gambling. What are the odds???
* She hit the jackplop.
* Crap rolls downhill, and sometimes it takes a shortcut.
* Someone on the upper floor poker room must have had a flush.
* Only $30,000? Did that attorney accidentally leave off two zeroes?
* If that’s what happens at the slot machines, what happens over at the craps table?
* Just another reason to do your gambling online.

On Oct. 12th, a woman taking pictures in Australia’s Hunter Valley region dropped her phone and then got stuck upside-down in a rock crevice trying to retrieve it. By the time emergency responders arrived, she’d been hanging by her feet for over an hour. It took seven hours to rescue her. A photo taken during the rescue shows the soles of her feet wedged in a narrow space between two boulders. Workers had to remove several heavy boulders to create a safe access point to reach her. The woman, 23-year-old Matilda Campbell, described herself as highly accident-prone and vowed “no more rock exploration for me for a while.”
* Then she tripped on the trail and broke her arm.
* It’s Australia. Aren’t people there used to being upside-down?
* Literally, between a rock and a hard place.
* If only there was some kind of cord you could use to hang your phone around your neck.
* If you’re not going to bring a buddy when you go exploring around rocks, bring a jackhammer.

A brand new fire station in western Germany that cost of tens of millions to build burned to the ground because it did not have a fire alarm. The town of Stadtallendorf proudly unveiled the new structure less than a year ago, but early on Wednesday, October 16, a fire that had started in a battery charger spread to the whole building. No one was injured, although 10 fire engines were destroyed. As officials investigated the blaze it came to light that the building had no fire alarm. It was not legally required to have a fire alarm because it was classified as a building holding equipment, not a fire station.
* Well whoever made THAT decision got burned.
* “Call 911!” “But WE’RE 911!” “Crap!”
* A battery charger? I though maybe someone slid down the fire pole in a wool sweater and fired off a massive bolt of static electricity.
* What’s the German word for ‘irony’?
* Just make sure everybody in Stadtallendorf is real, real careful with matches and stuff for the next couple months.

A Turkish Airlines pilot died after collapsing mid-flight, forcing the plane to make an emergency landing in New York. The incident occurred after the plane took off from Seattle in the evening. The 59-year-old pilot lost consciousness at some point after takeoff. The flight crew and a co-pilot decided to make an emergency landing. The pilot died before the plane landed safely at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York around 6 a.m. on Wednesday.
* “Nearer My God to Thee,” huh?
* I know what you all are thinking, but no, it was an Airbus A350-900.
* Used to be pilots just fell asleep at the controls.
* Somebody’s been skipping their annual checkups.
* Does the remaining co-pilot and crew really have to discuss what to do? “Should we land? I flew to Turkey once. I think I can do this.” “But he’s dead.” “Look, we’ve already started drink service.” “Maybe we should ask the tower what to do.”

An older woman got into trouble on a hiking trail, and a stranger helped her out by carrying her down the mountain. Once a year, Ursula Bannister climbs to the High Rock Lookout near Ashford, Washington, where she scattered her mother’s ashes 23 years ago. Bannister, now 79, usually hikes with a friend up the 3 mile trail, which is fairly steep. This year she went on her own, figuring she’d be fine because she is an experienced hiker. She made it up, but slipped on the way down and broke her leg. Bannister cried out for help, and a stranger came along and called 911. But they were told a search and rescue team would take five hours. Then two young men and a woman came by and offered to carry Bannister to the bottom of the trail. 20-year-old Troy May, a U.S. Air Force Airman, loaded Bannister on his back and, with the help of his fiancé and a friend, carried her most of the way down, with his friend taking over towards the end of the 3-hour journey. Said May, “I really didn’t make much of a decision, I just knew I needed to carry her down if I could.” Once they reached the parking lot, they drove Bannister to Tacoma General Hospital — about two hours away. They waited at the hospital until Bannister’s son arrived. For helping to rescue Bannister, May received an Air Force Achievement Medal.
* And long-term back problems.
* Ursula Bannister slipped and broke her leg. Which wouldn’t have happened if the trail had had … a bannister.
* In some cultures, they would have carried her down and placed her on an iceberg.
* I’m shocked! Troy May is only 20 and he’s engaged? Has he really thought this through?
* Remember – if you’re hiking alone, always take water, a cellphone, and a jetpack.

A group of 15 hikers on an office team-building retreat left one of their own on a mountain overnight. The group was hiking Mount Shavano in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains. The group had reached the mountain ridge – except for one man, who was behind but decided to continue to the ridge on his own while the others returned down the trail. During his descent – which began around 11:30 a.m. – he became disoriented. When he looked for trail markers that had been left in a boulder field, they were gone. The group had picked up the markers on their way down, so as not to litter. He eventually realized he was far off the trail, so he messaged his co-workers who told him to climb back up and start again from the top. By 4 p.m. he sent another message to his co-workers saying he was near the trail, but a strong storm with freezing rain and high winds moved in, causing him to lose cell service, and he became disoriented again. A search and rescue team was called. Teams searched the mountain all night to no avail, but finally, at 10 the next morning, the hiker regained cell service and was able to give rescuers his location.
* Usually if you’re fired they just tell you to go clean out your locker, but this is brutal.
* Who designed this team building exercise – Charles Darwin?
* They removed the trail markers on the way down, so as not to litter. Plus, they hated the guy.
* When he got back to work Monday morning they heard him shout, “Who parked in my spot? Hey, where’s my desk calendar? Who took my stapler?!”
* Maybe it’s time for their office manager to explain the concept of “team” again.

A Chinese woman who was swept out to sea while swimming at a Japanese beach was rescued 36 hours later and 50 miles away. She did have an inner tube with her. She had gone missing around 7:30 pm Monday while swimming at Shimoda, about 125 miles southwest of Tokyo. Japan’s coast guard launched a search for the woman, identified only as a Chinese woman in her 20s. But the woman, still floating in the tube, was spotted by a cargo ship around 8 am Wednesday, about 36 hours after she disappeared, off the southern tip of the Boso Peninsula. Two crew members jumped into the sea and rescued her. She was airlifted by a coast guard helicopter, found to be slightly dehydrated, but was in good health and walked away after being examined at a nearby hospital.
* Then she was hit with a $40 fee by the tube rental guy for an extra two days.
* Next time, spend the extra ten bucks for flippers.
* Her fingers should stop being pruny by next Thursday.
* Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the newest TikTok challenge.

In Florida, a shark bit a teen on the leg during a lifeguard training camp. It happened near the Ponce Inlet lifeguard tower. The 14-year-old boy had been practicing water entries when he landed on a shark, identified as a 4- to 5-foot-long blacktip. The teen’s injuries weren’t considered life-threatening, officials said, and he was taken by his parents to get stitches…
* …and a new summer job at McDonald’s.
* Practicing water entries? Shoulda been working on his water EXITS.
* Maybe add a few spear guns to the training sessions?
* Ponce Inlet? More like POUNCE Inlet.