PET SQUIRREL DRIVES OFF BURGLAR

In Meridian, Idaho, Adam Pearl walked into his home on Tuesday and realized something didn’t seem right. There were snow prints around the house, and inside he noticed a few doors that were normally closed were open. He went to a back room and saw scratches around his gun safe. At this point in the story, you should know that Mr. Pearl also keeps a pet squirrel, named Joey. Joey has the run of the house. So, anyway, police came and investigated – they noticed the squirrel – and a few hours later returned with some of Pearl’s stolen belongings. The officer said they had located a suspicious individual who had scratches on his hands. The cop asked him, “Did you get that from the squirrel?” and he says, “Yeah, damn thing kept attacking me and wouldn’t stop until I left.”
* “Did you get that from the squirrel?” What an idiot. The answer is, “No, I have a cat.”
* Folks, if you’re going to be a burglar, wear gloves. Because of fingerprints … and the occasional bizarre house pet.
* Instead of a wall, this is what Trump needs: Mexican Border Squirrels.
* He’s lucky the squirrel didn’t grab him by the nuts.
* Well, that’s what they’re into.
* Let the record show: This is the first time in wacky news history that we’ve ever heard of a pet squirrel.
* Not to mention a guard squirrel.
* Do you know why the man keeps a pet squirrel? Because the raccoon was too much trouble.