MAN RUN OVER BY TANK

A man was accidentally crushed to death by a World War II-era tank in Fairfield, California. The accident happened on the property of Herman Rowland, the chairman of the Jelly Belly candy company. The victim was 54-year-old Kevin Wright. The accident occurred Saturday when Rowland’s son-in-law was driving the 1944 M5 tank during a family reunion (* as so often happens at family reunions). The son-in-law was driving the military tank through an open field on the property. Mr. Wright was a passenger and was sitting on the front edge of the tank. As the tank traveled down a dirt hill, Wright fell off and landed directly in front of the tank. Police say drugs and alcohol do not appear to have been a factor in the accident.
* They said that, flat-out.
* No drugs or alcohol. Sometimes you can just be naturally stupid.
* Other than that, how did everyone enjoy the reunion?
* “We’re going to need one less plate at dinner.”
* Thanksgiving is going to be awkward, when someone suggests bringing out the tank.
* Yes, alcohol wasn’t a factor but somebody got tanked.
* This is why we don’t allow heavy artillery at our family reunions.
* We just crush each other with words.
* See what happens when you have too much money? You spend it on stuff like World War Two era tanks.
* I wouldn’t say he landed directly in front of the tank or he would have gone underneath. Try directly in front of one of the treads of the tank.