MAN GATHERS PITCHFORKS, POKES WOMAN IN HER BEHIND

Texas A&M police arrested a man after he stabbed a woman in the buttocks with a pitchfork. Carl Turner, Jr. was on the College Station campus gathering pitchforks last Tuesday when he got into a fight. Turner told police he thought the woman was reaching for a pocket knife to attack him. He grabbed one of the pitchforks and stabbed her several times in her shoulder and buttocks. Turner is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Why he was gathering pitchforks is still unknown.
* Why? For the big castle stormin’ later on that night. Duh.
* As he was poking her with the pitchforks she was yelling “Hey! HEY!”
* Maybe he thought she was a hoe.
* Oh, PITCH forks. I thought you said BITCH forks.
* Maybe he was angry ’cause she baled on him.
* The question isn’t why he was gathering pitchforks. The question is why were the pitchforks there?
* One thing is for sure: Getting poked with a pitchfork would get old very quickly.
* Could have been worse. Could have been a tractor.
* This guy can stick a pitchfork in his freedom because he’s done.
* You mean Johnny Manziel was one of the more stable people at Texas A&M?
* We’ve got to hook this dude up with the guy with two swords in that other story today.