HAWAII: VACATION PARADISE (NEVER MIND THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT)

Ross Birch, executive director of the Island of Hawaii Visitors Bureau, says the island’s wholesalers and hotels are reporting a slow-down of bookings – apparently due to fears of catastrophic volcanic destruction. Officials with the Hawaii Tourism Authority have been firing off press releases trying to quell fears and stem losses, with the message: “Hawaii is safe. Hawaii is fun. You should come here.”
– Jason Cohn, vice president of sales and marketing for Hawai`i Forest & Trail, said people are calling to ask if the island is covered in noxious gas (it’s not), whether the recent earthquakes will stir other volcanoes to life (they’re not), if it’s safe to travel to Hawai`i (it is), if there are any airport delays (there are not).
– Even volcanologists have stepped in trying to calm people’s fears. U.S. Geological Survey scientist Wendy Stovall was quoted in a press release saying, “I would not hesitate to come to Hawaii. If you’re coming to enjoy the beaches or eat the delicious food, know the eruption’s happening in a small, eastern edge of the island.” The eruption site is currently concentrated in 10 square miles in a 4,028-square-mile island. The car drive from Kīlauea to the tourist destination of Kona takes approximately two hours.
– The governor of Hawaii has said: “Visitors can be assured that the volcanic activity is having no effect whatsoever on the other islands, O’ahu, Maui, Moloka’i, Lāna’i and Kaua’i. Visitors can book their trips comfortable in the knowledge that their vacation experience will provide all the enjoyment they expect when coming to our beautiful islands.”
* So let’s go! Oh wait, that’s right – who can afford to go to Hawaii? It’s too damn expensive.
* This is like that scene in Jaws where the mayor is demanding Chief Brody reopens the beach just before little Alex Kitner gets eaten.
* Please ignore Debbie Downer headlines like “New Evacuations Ordered”, “Lava Blocks Major Escape Route”, and “Molten Glass Blowing in Wind”. (Actual headlines on the Drudge Report.)
* Ross Birch, executive director of the Island of Hawaii Visitors Bureau, is sure earning his salary this week.