GOAT LOVERS WANTED

A farm in central Virginia is looking for people to come snuggle with its baby goats. Caromont Farm in Esmont, Virginia is home to more than 120 goats, which provide its owners with fresh cheese. In February, an additional 90 kids will be born, and farmers are recruiting locals to love, feed, and play with the baby animals once they arrive. The farmers bottle feed the baby goats four times a day. They’re outfitted with sweaters to keep them warm in the cool winter weather, and they’re separated by size and kept in heated pens. Caromont Farms is offering a sign-up sheet online for people to claim four-hour volunteer shifts, starting in early February and stretching through March. You will be expected to cuddle with the babies and to assist with keeping them clean, warm, dry, and full.
* But NOTHING ELSE, okay Uncle Chester?
* What’s the deal here? The mother goats are all cold-hearted jerks?
* This would be easier to decide on if I had any idea of what goats smell like.
* It would help a lot if they could put little kitten masks on the baby goats.
* The annoying part? No matter how much you cuddle them, they keep screaming for their real “MAAAAAAAA!”
* The goats have sweaters? That’s got to make them a little paranoid.
* “If they want me to wear wool from a dead sheep, maybe I’m next.”
* You take care of them in 4-hour shifts for no money? Wait, there has to be some kind of catch. This is too good.
* Caramont Farm figures it needs around 50 suckers … I mean volunteers.
* Sorry, we live in a different world now where GOAT means Greatest of All Time.