GANGSTER TURKEYS IN NEW JERSEY

A Teaneck, New Jersey mother sat down to dinner with two of her three children when a wild turkey crashed through her kitchen window, sending glass, debris and mud everywhere. “It landed on the table in front of us,” Courtney Lopchinsky said. “We got up and literally ran for our lives.” Lopchinsky says the turkey was one of a pack of four that has been roaming her neighborhood in recent months. “They’re like gangster turkeys,” she said. “They terrorize kids at bus stops and chase people to their cars.” Lopchinsky said the turkey that crashed through her window thrashed around and “ransacked my kitchen,” causing more than $6,000 worth of damage. She said her homeowner’s insurance refuses to pay for damages caused by “birds, reptiles or vermin.” Police and firefighters found the bird pecking at another window trying to get out of the house, Lopchinsky said. They grabbed the turkey and let it go outdoors, she said. Lopchinsky said the incident occurred near the end of January but she hasn’t been able to talk about it until now. “I was very traumatized,” she said. “I needed to get my window fixed, shampoo the rugs and make repairs. That was all that was on my mind at the time.”
* Speaking of Drama Queens… (see “The Need For Drama” story in The Buzz.)
* If this woman had been a real New Jerseyite, that turkey would have been plucked and gutted with its own giblets stuck in its mouth and dressed for tomorrow night’s dinner before Wheel of Fortune was over.
* After the wild turkey was gone, guess what the lady had a drink of to calm down. C’mon – guess.
* They need to hold an emergency Thanksgiving dinner.
* It landed on the kitchen table? That’s just asking to get eaten.
* Gangster turkeys? Are they, like, loaning money at exorbitant rates?
* Great, first you have the gangster turkeys and then you get the gangster coyotes.
* How the heck did the insurance company see this coming?
* New Jersey has really gone to hell since Tony Soprano passed.
* Finally, this town is getting some help: Governor Chris Christie has offered to eat the turkeys.
* Getting pushed around by wild birds? Have these people forgotten that we run this planet?
* PHONE TOPIC: “My close encounter with nature.”