CITY OFFICIALS TO BE TASED FOR FUNDRAISER

The city of Des Moines, Iowa, is raffling off a chance to taser a government official. As part of a public safety fundraiser, the raffle winner will get the chance to use a Taser on City Administrator Jake Anderson or Councilman Bob Lacy at the Van Meter Fire Association Street Dance on July 18. Anderson said the idea came up during a meeting with police about funding. Anderson said. “I was like, ‘Yeah, that’s funny. Do you think you could raise some money?'” Lacy volunteered to add a little competition, and Anderson was glad. Tickets cost $5 each. Anderson said he’s never been stunned with a Taser before, adding: “I imagine it will hurt.”
* Yeah, it’ll hurt. It might even stop your heart, you dumb bastard.
* And this is a fundraiser for public safety?
* This will turn out to be the origin story for the newest Avenger, Captain Electro.
* I suppose there’s a really really super small chance they’ll secretly turn down the voltage to, like, zero.
* “Daddy, are you okay?” “Just practicing my jittering for the fake tasing.”
* It’s the Van Meter Fire Association Street Dance, and the featured dance will be the jitterbug.
* Just the thought of being tased gives me the jitters.
* Just go with a dunk tank instead.
* Wait, I know some places have a water shortage but can’t we fill a dunk tank anymore?
* What’s next in their twisted world? A chance to spank a politician on his bare bottom?
* Actually, THEY’D pay to have that done to them.