AUDIO: WE'RE HAVING A HEATWAVE
Weather forecasters are predicting a massive heat wave this week that will bring unusually warm summer temperatures from coast to coast in the United States. The heat wave is centered in the midwest and will likely extend throughout the entire country with the exception of the Pacific Northwest. Forecasters expect temperatures to exceed 90°F in many major cities. Places like Las Vegas and Phoenix could experience temperatures that top 110°F. The unusually hot temperatures come amidst an extended warm period that has most climate scientists expecting that 2016 will be the hottest year on record. The climate phenomenon El Niño and long-term global warming have both contributed to this year’s temperature spike, climate scientists say.
* It’s so hot…
– The cows are giving evaporated milk.
– I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin’.
– I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
– Hot water now comes out of both taps.
– I saw a chicken lay an omelette.
– Jehovah’s Witnesses have started telemarketing.
– If you have a yeast infection, you would rise.
– The Statue of Liberty has pit stains.
– Your clothes iron themselves.
– I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.
– Rosie O’Donnell is selling shade.
– Satan called. He wants his weather back.
* I bet the Pacific Northwest can handle those rain jokes just fine this week.
* It’s so hot Hillary switched from a pants suit to hot pants.
* It’s so hot people are walking around naked without bath salts.
* It’s so hot that Donald Trump was happy that Ruth Ginsburg threw him some shade.
* It’s so hot the special interests are bribing Congress with ice cream.
* It’s so hot our gross national product this week is sweat.
* Every day this week will be FRYday.
CLIP: Our classic “Summer Sleighride” song.
