LOOSE JAGUAR KILLS MONKEY AT ZOO

A jaguar escaped its enclosure and attacked a monkey at the Abilene, Texas, zoo. Staff discovered 2-year-old Estrella the jaguar missing Monday morning before the zoo opened for the day. Estrella was found soon after atop a neighboring exhibit holding spider monkeys. It appears Estrella reached inside and seriously injured the monkey, which had to be euthanized. Estrella was tranquilized using a dart gun then placed in a holding pen. Another jaguar also was secured. Zoo officials assure the public that the doors to the jaguar enclosure are secure and that there was never any threat to the public…
* …”(despitetheloosejaguar)” What did you say? “(despite the loose jaguar)” What? “I SAID DESPITE THE LOOSE JAGUAR, THERE WAS NEVER ANY THREAT TO THE PUBLIC, OK???
* No threat to the public, unless you taste good to jaguars.
* I thought Estrella was that new pill to quit smoking?
* No? “Ask your doctor if Estrella is right for you.” Sounds familiar.
* I’d go to the Abilene Zoo. It sounds exciting.
* Texas has Concealed Carry – that jaguar is lucky it DIDN’T escape when people were there.
* Darn, I never go to the zoo when the cool stuff happens.
* Wow, stuck in a zoo in Abilene, Texas? That jaguar didn’t catch any breaks, did it?
* I’m just surprised it didn’t kill itself.
* That’ll get your attention in the morning. You come into work and the jaguar cage is empty.