CABLE GUY'S BODY FOUND IN CLOSET OF ALL-GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL

The body of a man was discovered Wednesday in the closet at the Academy of the Holy Angels, an all-girls high school in Demarest, New Jersey. The 65-year-old man was later identified as a Cablevision contractor from New York. His name has not been released. Police said that they do not believe the man “had passed recently.” The cause of death is under investigation.
* Citizens of New Jersey, this is why your cable guy never arrived between the hours of 7-noon or 1-5pm.
* Did Cablevision ever wonder what happened to one of their guys? Probably not.
* If it had been an all-boys school, I could understand why nobody would have noticed the smell.
* The Academy of the Holy Angels – or at least the dean wishes the girls would act that way.
* An all-girls high school? Oh, I bet there’s some fallen angels in that group.
* Isn’t that redundant? I mean if you’re an angel can’t we assume you’re holy?

Today Is…

WEDNESDAY – Mar 4

TUESDAY – Mar 3

MONDAY – March 2

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TODAY’S ALMANAC

WEDNESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 4

TUESDAY ALMANAC – Mar 3

MONDAY ALMANAC – March 2

Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music

TODAY’S TRIVIA

WEDNESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 4

TUESDAY TRIVIA – Mar 3

MONDAY TRIVIA – March 2

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

PINOCCHIO: THE HORROR MOVIE

No lie.

JOHN TRAVOLTA GETS ANOTHER PILOT’S LICENSE

With Travolta on the stick, you’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

ACTOR AWARD WINNERS

Some you know, some you don’t.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

TIMES SQUARE NAKED COWBOY, COWGIRL GETTING DIVORCED

Give me some space, cowboy.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Thursday through Sunday

BROADWAY CANCELED SECOND NIGHT OF PERFORMANCES DUE TO BLIZZARD

“How do I get to Broadway?” “Practice, and a dogsled.”

TOM HANKS FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY ABE LINCOLN

Coming to a theater near you in four score months.

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies

Premiering Monday through Wednesday

JOKE OF THE DAY

Suggestion: Post the joke on your website. Boost clicks by having listeners call in and tell the Joke of the Day to win a prize.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after 6 months…

posted March 4

The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor says, “You had twins, a boy and a girl. And your brother named them for you.” Woman says, “No, not my idiot brother! What did he name the girl?” Doctor says, “Denise.” Woman says, “Well, that’s a nice name. What did he name the boy?” Doctor says, “Denephew.”

What’s grey?

posted March 3

A melted penguin.

A cabbie picks up a nun.

posted March 2

After a few minutes, the cabbie says, “Sister, I have a question, but I don´t want to offend you.” The nun says, “I´ve heard just about everything. I promise you, nothing you say will offend me.” Cabbie says, “Alright… I´ve always had a fantasy to be kissed by a nun.” She says “Well… are you single?” He says, “Yes.” She says, “Are you Catholic?” He says, “Absolutely!” Nun says, “Pull into that alley.” He does, and she give him a kiss so passionate it could melt stained glass. As they drive away, the cabbie starts crying. The nun says, “My dear child, why are you crying?” He says “Forgive me, Sister… I´ve sinned. I lied. I´m married … and I´m Jewish.” The nun says “That´s okay. My name´s Dave and I´m on my way to a Halloween party.”