GUN FALLS OUT OF DRUNK MAN'S BUTT

Early Tuesday morning in Athens, Alabama, Jesse O’Neal Roberts crashed his truck into a ditch. The 23-year-old Roberts — who was allegedly hammered — began snooping around a local resident’s garage. The man eventually caught him and held him at gunpoint until deputies arrived. When he got to the local jail, corrections officers noticed that Roberts appeared to be walking strangely. As they searched the young man, he accidentally stumbled — and a gun allegedly fell out of his butt. The arrest report read, “I immediately considered that he defecated on himself before noticing a familiar shape in the form of a pistol in his boxers.” Cops said the Jimenez .380, which was stolen, was not loaded.
* He was packin’.
* Jesse O’Neal Roberts, a man of obvious high caliber.
* Known around those parts as a crack shot.
* Talk about an ammo dump.
* “As they searched the young man…” And what a nightmare that must be.
* Now he wants a courtesy flush from the criminal justice system.
* Athens, Alabama? Was that founded by the same guy who founded Paris, Texas?