WEDNESDAY, Mar 9 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR WEDNESDAY, March 9, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: (RUSSIAN) DOMINO MASTERS; A & M AUTOLAND – EZLease; THE ONLY MORNING SHOW IN TOWN

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

BARBIE DAY
The Barbie Doll debuted in New York at the American International Toy Fair on this day in 1959.

GET OVER IT DAY
The Days of the Year website says this:
“Get Over it Day … was invented in 2005 when a man was having a rather difficult time overcoming the loss of his girlfriend. In essence, this day is meant to help people get over their troubles and tribulations while doing so in humorous ways. It is also considered a day to remember that others in the world will certainly have it worse than us, so Get Over it Day is also a day to feel a bit humble. … this holiday falls directly between Valentine’s Day and April Fool’s Day.”

NATIONAL CRABMEAT DAY

NATIONAL MEATBALL DAY

PANIC DAY
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“Try to stay calm. Take a deep breath. For today is Panic Day. Can you handle today? Good, we were worried for a moment. Hopefully, everything is going just swell in your life, and you have no need for this day. But, if problems and troubles are looming, try to hold off hitting the panic button until this day arrives. Don’t worry. Don’t fret. and, above all, don’t panic. However, if ever there was a day to panic, today is that day. As you get through this unsettling day, you have another day to worry about … International Panic Day, On June 18th!”

March is:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month
American Red Cross Month
Employee Spirit Month
Expanding Girls’ Horizons in Science and Engineering Month
Gender Equality Month
Irish-American Heritage Month
National Craft Month
National Frozen Food Month
National Professional Social Worker’s Month
National Women Inventors Month
National Women’s History Month
Read an E-Book Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – Movies, New and Returning Shows

WEDNESDAY, Mar 9

“Domino Masters”
Fox – New Series
Synopsis: Teams of domino enthusiasts compete to create mind-blowing masterpieces for a cash prize and a trophy. Honestly – who in the world would not record this and fast-forward to the toppling?
(See today’s comedy mp3: Russian Domino Masters)

“The Masked Singer”
Fox – Season Premiere

“Survivor”
CBS – Season Premiere

FRIDAY, Mar 11

“The Adam Project”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: A time-traveling pilot teams up with his younger self and his late father to come to terms with his past while saving the future. Netflix’s answer to Amazon’s The Tomorrow War? With Ryan Reynolds, Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo and Zoe Saldana.

“Turning Red”
Disney+ – New Movie
Synopsis: Mei Lee is a 13-year-old girl who is torn between being her mother’s obedient daughter and the chaos of her youth. As if that were not enough, when she gets too excited, she turns into a big red panda.

THE BUZZ

HOW TO MAKE LEGAL DOCUMENTS MORE UNDERSTANDABLE

It’s no secret that legal documents are incomprehensible. Why is this? Researchers from MIT say it’s because lawyers like to put long definitions of legal terms in the middle of sentences. Lawyers do this under the pretext that you have to use big words to be precise in what you’re saying. Also, they do it so they look “professional” in the eyes of their peers. What’s more, they do it so you have to hire a lawyer to understand it (* Actually, that should have been Reason #1). The MIT team has done a study and found that replacing the complex legal jargon with more common language did not change the meaning of the documents they examined, the common reader was better able to understand what the document said, and moving the center-embedded clauses to another portion of the text did not change the meaning of the sentence.
* Well, that study solves everything, doesn’t it? Thanks, boys!
* See, here’s the problem: you got a bunch of nerds who know what to do, but they’ve got no muscle to cause things to change.
* Are they trying to get sued for slander?
* I guess every so often MIT researchers need a break from quarks, gluons and string theory.

U.S. NEWS

TEACHER BIT TWO STUDENTS WHILE TRYING TO STEAL PICKLE JAR

In Bartow, Florida, a teacher is facing misdemeanor battery charges over allegations she bit two students over a jar of pickles. It happened last October. A 15-year old student at Bartow Middle School and another student were working at the school store when the teacher, Rhonda Rice, tried to take a jar of pickles. The two students tried to take the jar back. Rice allegedly bit them on the forearm (* So things went sour pretty fast). They let go, and she took off with the pickles. The students reported the behavior to school administrators. According to an affidavit filed by police, Rice admitted to licking the students, not biting them, but claimed she was “just playing around.” She is now facing misdemeanor battery charges. In the meantime, she is no longer working at Bartow Middle School.
* Under interrogation, she was one cool cucumber.
* Just like the students, the pickles were a-salted.
* Is NOBODY going to ask why they sell pickles at the school store?
* Anyway, biting students over a jar of pickles just isn’t kosher.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

MCDONALD’S CLOSES RUSSIAN RESTAURANTS

The hits just keep on coming: First the U.S. stops buying Russian oil, and then McDonald’s announces they will close all of their restaurants in Russia. The burger giant, which employs 62,000 people in Russia, will shut all 850 of its restaurants temporarily. Unlike other big fast-food brands in Russia that are owned by franchisees, including KFC, Burger King and Pizza Hut, Mcdonald’s owns 84 per cent of its Russian locations.
* More French fries for the free world!!!
* Just as well. They never could understand the concept of a Happy Meal in Russia.
* This has nothing to do with the fact that one Russian ruble is now worth 4/5ths of a U.S. penny, so those restaurants are only bringing in about eight dollars a week.
* Some McDonald’s innovations actually started in Russia. True: the eternally broken McDonald’s ice cream machine began in a Russian McDonald’s, and now every single McDonald’s has one.
* Another true fact: in Russia, KFC, Burger King and Pizza Hut are known as KFski, Burger Tsar and Pizza Yurt.

RESTAURANT CUSTOMERS MIX UP “POUTINE” AND “PUTIN”

A restaurant in France has received threats over its signature dish, poutine, because some people have been incorrectly associating the dish with Russian President Vladimir Putin. La Maison de la Poutine says it has received “calls of insults and even threats” over its name. The restaurant has clarified that it “is not linked to the Russian regime and its leader.” They say, “Our dish was born in Quebec in the 1950s. The poutine was created by passionate cooks who wanted to bring joy and comfort to their customers.”
* … their stupid, stupid customers.
* C’mon, France, we expected better from you. This is something you’d see in, like, oh, America.
* To be clear, Poutine is a dish which originated in Canada, is made of French fries, cheese curds and gravy. Putin originated in Russia, and is made from sour grapes, rattlesnake and a cocktail weenie, mixed with few bottles of vodka.
* You wanna talk conflicted? The Russian President is named Vladimir, the President of Ukraine is named Volodymyr. Awkward!

AUDIO: SCIENTISTS DECODE PIG GRUNTS

A team of European scientists has analyzed over 7,000 recordings of grunts from over 400 pigs, and are now able to decode pig grunts into identifiable emotions. The scientists, from the University of Copenhagen and France’s National Research Institute for Agriculture, Food and Environment, say this will help improve pig welfare all over the world. The recordings included the pigs’ reactions to both positive and negative events. The team developed a special algorithm capable of decoding whether a pig is experiencing positive emotions, such as happiness or excitement, or negative emotions like fear or stress, and even somewhere in between. The findings appear in the journal Scientific Reports.
* Thank you, Dr. Doolittle.
* Now stop hogging all the attention.
* I’ll bet the report was sloppy.
* Is that journal translated into pig language? Which, of course, would be pig Latin.
* Let me guess – they’re happy in mud, stressed at the slaughterhouse?
* Algorithms. Is there ANYTHING they can’t do?
CLIP: Porky Pig with real pig, “Heh-heh. Th- th- that’s silly.”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/porky-pig-thats-silly-with-pigs(dot)mp3

TRENDING

TONY HAWK INJURED IN SKATEBOARDING ACCIDENT

Skateboard legend Tony Hawk suffered a broken leg on Monday. Hawk suffered the broken femur while skating, but it’s unclear exactly what led to the injury. The 53-year-old wrote a lengthy Instagram post on Tuesday saying he’s going to do whatever it takes to get back on the board again. “Yesterday sucked,” Hawk said. “I broke my elbow 20 years ago and managed to make a full comeback; this recovery for a broken femur will be much harder because of its severity (and my age). But I’m up for the challenge.”

KELLY CLARKSON AND EX-HUSBAND SETTLE DIVORCE

Kelly Clarkson and Brandon Blackstock have settled their bitter divorce case. Kelly gets most of the assets; he gets support. Kelly will have primary custody of their 2 kids. Brandon, who lives in Montana, will have the kids one weekend a month. Kelly will keep the Montana ranch, but Brandon is allowed to live there until June 1. He must, however, pay her rent — $12,500 a month. Although Brandon will get spousal support — $115,000 a month — which ends in January 2024. He also gets $45,600 a month in child support, and $1.3 million outright as a settlement.

PARKER MCCOLLUM HAS WEDDING DANCE SONG PICKED OUT

In less than three weeks, country music breakout star Parker McCollum will be tying the knot with fiancée Hallie Ray Light. McCollum said that he has already decided on their first dance song, and it will be George Strait’s chart-topping classic, “I Cross My Heart.”

CHEAP TRICK PLAYS 66 DIFFERENT SONGS OVER FOUR-NIGHT STAND

You know how bands get stuck playing the same old songs on every tour? Cheap Trick played 66 different songs during their four-night Las Vegas residency, with only eight repeats among the 84 total tracks. The live run — staged at the city’s STRAT Theater on Feb. 25, Feb. 26, March 4 and March 5 — featured the following repeats: “Surrender,” “Goodnight,” “The Flame,” “I Want You To Want Me,” “Dream Police,” “Hello There,” “California Man,” “On Top of the World” and “Voices.” Everything else was a one-off Cheap Trick original, along with a few cover songs mixed in.

BOB DYLAN WROTE ANOTHER BOOK

Bob Dylan has announced a new book, The Philosophy of Modern Song, which will be released on Nov. 8. The book contains more than 60 essays that examine songs by songwriters like Stephen Foster, Elvis Costello, Hank Williams and Nina Simone. According to a press release, the book “offers a master class on the art and craft of songwriting. These essays are written in Dylan’s unique prose. They are mysterious and mercurial, poignant and profound, and often laugh-out-loud funny. And while they are ostensibly about music, they are really meditations and reflections on the human condition.”

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

March 13, Sunday – Daylight Saving Time Begins
March 17, Thursday – St. Patrick’s Day
March 20, Sunday – Spring begins, Spring Equinox is 11:33 a.m. EDT
March 21, Monday – First full day of Spring
April 1, Friday – April Fools Day
April 17, Sunday – Easter
April 15, Friday – U.S. Tax Day
May 8, Sunday – Mother’s Day
May 30, Monday – Memorial Day

BIRTHDAYS

Brittany Snow (actress, “Almost Family,” “Pitch Perfect”) … 36
Matthew Gray Gubler (actor, “Criminal Minds”) … 42
Emmanuel Lewis (actor, “Webster”) … 51
Jimmie Fadden (co-founder of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, currently having a 50th Anniversary tour) … 74
Mickey Gilley (country singer) … 86

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“It may sound lame, but I’ve been journaling since I was in third grade. I love it! It makes me feel calm and happy.”

(A) Vladimir Putin
(B) Kanye West
(C) Brittany Snow

ANSWER: (C) Brittany Snow

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

COVID 19 in History:
2021 – Brazil recorded its highest daily COVID-19 death toll to date of 1,972 deaths with 168,370 deaths overall.
2020 – Italy announced it was locking down the whole country due to a spike in COVID-19 cases, with 10,040 cases and 630 deaths.

2013 – Asteroid 2013 ET passed within 960,000 km of the Earth’s surface.
* Better luck next time.

2007 – The US Justice Department released an internal audit that found that the Federal Bureau of Investigation had acted illegally in its use of the USA Patriot Act to secretly obtain personal information about U.S. citizens.
* Well, thank goodness they put a stop to THAT.

1975 – Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
* Great idea – ’cause look how low gas prices are now!

1964 – The first Ford Mustang was produced.
* This is about the time the phrase “mid-life crisis” started catching on.

1959 – The Barbie doll debuted, and has since sold over 800 million dolls.
* And over twice as many diet and exercise books to women who later grew up hating their bodies.

1916 – A schoolboy’s cartoon sketch won a contest sponsored by the Planter’s Nut Company, and became their trademark “Mr. Peanut.”
* Clearly, the kid got paid peanuts for creating their corporate identity.

1858 – Albert Potts of Philadelphia, PA received a patent for the mailbox.
* Later that afternoon, the neighborhood kids developed mailbox baseball.

1822 – Charles Graham of New York City patented false teeth.
* He got annoyed when the guy at the patent office said “These would be funny if you could wind ’em up and make ’em chatter across the desk!”

1562 – In the city of Naples, kissing in public was banned, and declared punishable by death.
* This is one of many reasons why, throughout Italy, the 16th Century was known as “The Sucky Century.”

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2007 – Brad Delp, lead singer of US rock band Boston, committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning in at his home in the New Hampshire town of Atkinson.

1997 – Rapper Notorious B.I.G. (real name Christopher Wallace) was gunned down and killed as he left a party at the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles. He was 24 years old.

1991 – Mariah Carey started a two-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Someday”, her third U.S. No.1.

1985 – Mick Jagger released his solo single “Just Another Night”, a No. 12 hit in the U.S.

1985 – REO Speedwagon started a three-week run at No.1 on the U.S. singles chart with “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.

1982 – British pop star Gary Numan appeared in court after being spotted waiting for a hamburger while carrying a baseball bat. Charges of possessing an offensive weapon were later dropped.

1977 – British punk gods The Sex Pistols signed a contract with A&M Records outside Buckingham Palace.

1977 – The Jacksons’ CBS TV show was aired for the last time, finishing at the bottom of the ratings.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. According to medical research, we do THIS every other day. What is it?
Sneeze

2. At any given time, about 5% of Americans have one of THESE. What is it?
A cold

3. We touch THIS thing every day – and it has about 280 different types of bacteria on it. What is it?
Your steering wheel

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