THURSDAY, Dec 22 – DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION

MORNING SIDEKICK DAILY PREP TEXT VERSION FOR THURSDAY, December 22, 2022
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COMEDY MP3s POSTED ON OUR PREP SITE FOR TODAY: BROUGHT TO YOU BY

TODAY IS …
(All days repeat annually on today’s date unless otherwise noted; days may or may not be called “National”/”International”/”World” depending on source; sources listed often have additional info. We generally do not list special days which were created by commercial companies for the purpose of marketing, or the hundreds of disease awareness listings which occur each year.)

NATIONAL DATE NUT BREAD DAY (December 22 or September 8)
The Holiday Insights website says this:
“National Date Nut Bread Day is today. Enjoy a tasty bread for the holidays. It’s the perfect bread for the season. It contains nuts and sugar, but is not heavy on the sugar. Date nut bread is quite popular. You can make it yourself, or buy some at the bakery. We suggest a couple of loafs. In our house, a single loaf does not last long. There is some question as to the correct date for this special day. A survey of the net resulted in roughly half of the references for this day claiming it is on September 8th. In our survey, a very slight majority record this special day on December 8. We go with the majority for two reasons: First, it is the majority. Second, this day fits well in the holiday season. Date Nut Bread is popular for the holidays. Get your fill of Date Nut Bread today. After all, that’s what this day is for.”

NATIONAL HAIKU POETRY DAY

December is:

Exotic/Tropical Fruits Month
National Egg Nog Month
National Fruit Cake Month
National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
National Write a Business Plan Month
Safe Toys and Gifts Month
Tomato Month
Winter Squash Month

ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES

WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday

THURSDAY, Dec 23

“Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: Daniel Craig returns as master detective Benoit Blanc, who’s tasked with solving a murder mystery at a Greek villa that starts out as a game and turns real. With Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, and Dave Bautista.

SATURDAY, Dec 25

“Roald Dahl’s Matilda the Musical”
Netflix – New Movie
Synopsis: Matilda, an extraordinary girl armed with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination, dares to take a stand against her oppressive parents and head teacher to change her story with miraculous results.

SUNDAY, Dec 26

“The Witcher: Blood Origin”
Netflix – New Limited Series
Synopsis: Michelle Yeoh stars as the last member of a tribe of sword-elves who sets out on a quest to retrieve a stolen blade that’s sacred to her people. It’s an origin story of how the monster-slayers known as Witchers came to be.

“Woooooo! Becoming Ric Flair”
Peacock – New Documentary
Synopsis: Profiles the 16-time World Champion and 2-time WWE Hall of Famer.

Season Premiere:
Hulu – “Letterkenny”

HALLMARK MADE THE SAME MOVIE, DIFFERENT TITLE, SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT EDIT

TV producer Dan Harmon, creator of the series “Community” and “Rick and Morty,” has uncovered something unusual on the Hallmark Channel. He has discovered the channel has two movies – “Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday” and “Sister Swap: Christmas in the City.” Harmon notes that it’s nothing more than a different edit of the exact same film. Some of the scenes are in a different order. Here’s his evidence:
– Both Sister Swaps were released in 2021.
– Both have the same story: sisters – played by real-life sisters – swap cities, although both cities are indistinguishable from each other.
– The same conversations happen in each movie. The dialogue is identical, but the camera angles are different.
– In both movies, they spend a minute trying on hats, but in one movie, they also try on glasses.
– Harmon noted how each film is missing scenes found in the other that create entire new subplots underneath the same exact story.
It should be noted that Hallmark apparently did this on purpose – they ran the movies one week apart last year. They were trying to do a “Rashomon” film thing – the same story from different viewpoints. Or maybe they just wanted to save some money because they’ve got so many hours of TV to fill.
* So it’s the same story, repeated. Like every single Marvel superhero movie, right?
* What’s frightening is that someone was actually paying enough attention to Hallmark movies to notice.
* The weird part: “Sister Swap: A Hometown Holiday” is twice as good as “Sister Swap: Christmas in the City.”
* There’s a joke: What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot? 632 Hallmark movies.
* I’ve seen a couple sister swap movies, but those were internet only. Plot was the same, though, especially the endings.

THE BUZZ

THREE DUMB HEADLINES

Time for another episode of Three Dumb Headlines. These are actual, word-for-word headlines of stories found on the internet. There’s no story, no context, just the actual headline. Discuss them amongst yourselves. Then, encourage listeners to vote for the Dumbest Headline on your station’s social media page. Maybe ask them to leave a comment. Reveal the results in the next break.
Today’s Dumb Headlines:
1. “Liver King And The Problematic Rise Of Primal Manhood”
2. “Blue Light Is Bad For Your Eyes – But Great For Your Mangos ”
3. “Study: Santa’s Sleigh Could Fly With An Engine Like NASA’s Saturn 5 Rocket”
And here’s a spare, in case you don’t like one of those three: “The Fascinating Tales Behind People’s Fading Tattoos”

U.S. NEWS

FLORIDA PROPELLER THIEVES BUSTED

A propeller theft ring has been busted in Florida. Tens of thousands of dollars worth of high-end boat propellers have gone missing over a three-month period, from September to December, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Office. Three suspects, arrested Dec. 15, have been linked to 61 missing boat propellers valued at nearly $73,000. The suspects would sell them to a local scrap yard, selling a propeller worth around $1,200 for about $126 on average.
* Well, I know where I’d go to get another propeller for my boat.
* What goes around comes around.
* Props to the cops, for the bust.
* Missing propellers, and police had nothing to go, uh, with.
* Why did they steal propellers? ‘Cause boats don’t have catalytic converters.

LIBRARY CLOSED ON ACCOUNT OF METH

The Boulder, Colorado Public Library closed Monday afternoon after testing found “higher than acceptable” methamphetamine levels in the restrooms. Environmental testing of six of its restrooms showed levels of methamphetamine in the exhaust vents. The decision to test came after the library received about 15 reports of people smoking in the restrooms in the past month. During that time, there were two incidents where city employees experienced symptoms consistent with potential exposure to meth residue or fumes after going into the restroom.
* This explains the sudden interest in speed reading at the Boulder library.
* People were checking out War and Peace and bringing it back the next day.
* You’re supposed to crack a book, not crack a rock of cocaine.
* “Higher than acceptable” methamphetamine levels? Oh, I’ll tell you when you’ve reached an acceptable level, thank you very much.
* Usually this only happens during finals.

WEIRD FLAVORED CANDY CANES

Every Christmas season brings weird-flavored candy canes. Here are some of the new non-peppermint flavors you can look for, if you dare:
– Hot dogs
– Brisket
– Ketchup
– Clove
– Mango chili
– Watermelon chili
– Hostess Twinkie
– Sour cream and onion
– Caesar salad
One company, Archie McPhee, has a sardine-flavored candy cane – and, yes, people eat them, according to the company’s president David Wahl, although he says the pickle-flavored candy cane is their best seller.
* Of course, “best seller” could mean they sell ten a month.
* Why are you people even in the candy business? Your work is better suited to enemy interrogation.
* I bet the Hostess Twinkie candy cane doesn’t have as long a shelf life as the actual Twinkie.
* What if you suck the hot dog and the ketchup and the pickle canes at the same time? How would that work?

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

AUDIO: TWO DEAD, ONE INJURED FROM HANUKKAH DONUTS

In Israel, two people have died this week, and one had to be hospitalized, after choking on Hanukkah doughnuts. On Monday, a 70-year-old man from the coastal city of Netanya died after choking on the traditional treat. Hours later, a 61-year-old man from the southern town of Ofakim was hospitalized in serious condition after a similar incident. He remains unconscious and on a ventilator. In the most recent incident, paramedics were called and found a 67-year-old man unconscious. The medics extracted the piece of the doughnut but failed to resuscitate the man. The Hanukkah donut, or sufganiyah, is an oily jelly- or custard-filled dough, popular during the eight-day Jewish festival of Hanukkah. It can pose a choking hazard for children and the elderly.
* Yet in one case, the dead man’s mother was still standing over him going, “Eat! Eat!!!”
* Maybe if they made them even oilier they’d slide down better.
* How can you live to be 70 and not know to chew 24 times?
* They all had one thing in common: that glazed look in their eye.
* If I’m going to die, I can think of worse ways. Pass the sufganiyah. And maybe a glass of milk.
CLIP: Homer says, “D-oh!”
CLIP URL: morningsidekick(dot)(com)/prep/wp-content/uploads/09-22-HomerDoh(dot)mp3

MAN HAD WW1 ARTILLERY SHELL STUCK IN HIS BUTT

(Note: we tried to avoid this story, thinking it can’t possibly be true. But it turns out, it is.)
A French hospital was partially evacuated Saturday after a senior citizen arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum. According to the French newspaper Var-Martin, an 88-year-old man went to the Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon to have the antique explosive removed. He attempted to reassure them that the shell was not dangerous, saying that it had been “demilitarized.” Still, the hospital called for a “partial evacuation” while surgeons removed the projectile, which did turn out to be a “collector’s shell,” and posed no danger of exploding. Doctors and nurses removed the shell with surgery, retrieving it through the patient’s abdomen. The shell measured around two inches in diameter by eight inches in length (6 centimeters in diameter by 20cm long).
* So everything turned out okay, in the end.
* Two inches by eight inches? That’s a stretch.
* Did some angry enemy German shove it up there back in the Great War? Or did he just bend over at the wrong time?
* Reliving an adventure he had in the trenches?
* Talk about explosive diarrhea.

TRENDING

JAY MOHR ENGAGED TO THE OWNER OF THE LA LAKERS

TMZ is reporting that comedian Jay Mohr – remember him? – is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, who just happens to be Jeanie Buss, owner of the LA Lakers. Jay Mohr was a cast member on SNL for a couple of years. He starred in a terrific comedy series on Fox called “Action” that no one watched. He was in a very funny Zucker Brothers movie called “Mafia” that no one saw. He was in “Jerry Maguire,” “Ghost Whisperer,” the host of “Last Comic Standing”… but now he’s engaged to the owner of the Lakers, so he did pretty good for himself. Buss and Mohr have yet to confirm the news, although she has been spotted wearing jewelry on her left ring finger recently.

THE MOST-STREAMED XMAS SONGS OF 2022

According to Spotify, here are the Most-Streamed Christmas Songs worldwide of 2022:
1. All I Want For Christmas Is You/Mariah Carey: 1,349,000,000
2, Last Christmas/Wham: 1,053,000,000
3. Santa Tell Me/Ariana Grande: 773,000,000
4. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas/Michael Buble: 747,000,000
5. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree/Brenda Lee: 694,000,000
6. Jingle Bell Rock/Bobbyu Helms: 672,000,000
7. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year/Andy Williams: 611,000,000
8. Mistletoe/Justin Bieber: 586,000,000

ALMANAC

NOTABLE DATES, UPCOMING U.S. OBSERVANCES

Dec. 25, Sunday – Christmas
Dec. 31, Saturday – New Year’s Eve
Jan. 1, Sunday – New Year’s Day

BIRTHDAYS

Meghan Trainor (singer) … 29
Jordin Sparks (singer, American Idol winner) … 33
Chris Carmack (actor, “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Nashville”) … 42
Lori McKenna (Country singer) … 54
Ralph Fiennes (actor) … 60
Diane Sawyer (former TV news anchor, TV host) … 77

BIRTHDAY QUOTE QUIZ – Ask your listeners “Who said it?” HINT: Today’s their birthday!

“I don’t want to go to the future. I’m scared of the future!”

(A) Bill Nye the Science Guy
(B) Neil deGrasse Tyson
(C) Chris Carmack

ANSWER: (C) Chris Carmack

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

2010 – President Barack Obama signed a law allowing, for the first time in history, gays to serve openly in America’s military. The previous policy forced gays to hide their sexual orientation or face dismissal.
* The old policy was called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” so this was “Don’t Don’t Ask, Don’t Don’t Tell.”

2005 – Astronomers announced the discovery of two more rings around Uranus.
* Probably from sitting on the toilet too long.

2001 – Richard C. Reid, a passenger on an American Airlines flight from Paris to Miami, tried to ignite explosives in his shoes, but was subdued by flight attendants and fellow passengers.
* You want deadly shoes? Smell my loafers.

1928 – President Coolidge signed the Boulder Dam Bill, clearing the way for its construction in Nevada.
* His aides laughed themselves silly by constantly saying “Sign the dam bill Mr., President. Sign the dam bill!”

1895 – German physicist William Roentgen became the first user of X-rays.
* His secretary kept wondering why he always giggled when she walked by the screen.

1894 – The United States Golf Association formed in New York.
* The Miniature Golf Association would form in the 1970s.

THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY

2014 – Singer Joe Cocker died of lung cancer in Crawford, Colorado at age 70.

2005 – Janet Jackson was the most-searched name during 2005 according to Google. The singer topped a list of searches with people looking for pictures of her infamous “wardrobe malfunction” at the 2004 Super Bowl when she exposed her right breast.

2002 – Former Clash singer and guitarist Joe Strummer died of a suspected heart attack at age 50.

2000 – Madonna married film director Guy Ritchie at Skibo Castle, Scotland. Celebrities attending the wedding included Jon Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, Sting and fashion designers Donatella Versace, Jean Paul Gaultier and Stellla McCartney. They divorced in 2008, with Madonna paying Ritchie up to $92 million in the settlement.

1988 – The Smiths played their farewell gig at Wolverhampton Civic Hall, England (without guitarist Johnny Marr).

1987 – Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue was pronounced “dead on arrival” in an ambulance when his heart stopped beating for two minutes. Sixx was given two shots of adrenaline in his chest to revive him. Fellow band members were prematurely informed of his death.

1984 – Madonna started a six-week run at No. 1 on the U.S. charts with “Like A Virgin,” her first U.S. No.1.

1976 – Soul singer Isaac Hayes filed for bankruptcy, and had to sell his $500,000 house.

X-TREME TRIVIA CHALLENGE

Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three mystery factoids. Create your own “Impossible Question” contest – great for listener giveaways and phone interaction starters! Also a perfect sponsorship opportunity!

1. One out of four men admit to doing THIS while intoxicated. What is it?
A: Putting up the Christmas tree

2. This is not safe to do, but nearly 70% of us have done it, at least once. What is it?
A: Left Christmas tree lights on overnight

3. About 20% of adults will do THIS before Christmas. What is it?
Sneak a peek at their gifts

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