THIS WEEK'S TWOFER FOOD RAGE STORY: COUPLE ARRESTED OVER PIZZA ROLL FIGHT

A Gastonia, North Carolina, couple faces charges after allegedly assaulting each other with pizza rolls. Brad Beard, 24, and Samantha Canipe, 21, were each charged on Monday with one count of misdemeanor simple assault. The suspects allegedly got into a fight at their apartment and started throwing pizza rolls at each other. A motive in the incident remains uncertain.
* It might have something to do with one not leggoing of the the other’s Eggo.
* Police say they were steaming. The pizza rolls, I mean.
* Can you really hurt someone with a little pizza roll? I mean, maybe if you shoot them out of a potato cannon.
* Pizza rolls. Too bad the woman’s name is Canipe and not Canapé.
* I hope they regret this the next time they want a tasty snack.
* Ahh, pizza rolls. Another giant leap forward in stoner munchies.
* At least they weren’t throwing those little mini-quiches. Those are murder to get out of upholstery.
* So how far back does this go? I mean are you fighting so you say, “Let’s bake some pizza roles so we have something to throw at each other”?
* Clearly, they were getting along as the snacks were baking but somewhere along the line somebody said the magic words and it was on.
* Look, we’re busy. I think they should do a shorthand version of these stories. Couple, fight, weapon: pizza roles, magic words: “You really should think about losing some weight.”