Here’s another interactive phone call from The Pope. Use the script and audio provided or, better yet, take the script and have someone on your morning staff play the Pope.

POPE PHONE CALL: GARAGE SALE

JOCK:   WE’RE GETTING A PHONE CALL HERE… LET ME GET THIS. HELLO?

(CHOIR: AHH…­AHHHH, MUSIC)

POPE:   BUENO! ALLO EVERYBODY!

JOCK:   WHO IS THIS?

POPE:   IT IS I, YOUR AMIGO IN CHRIST, POPE FRANCIS!

JOCK:  HEY, HOW ARE YOU? IT’S BEEN AWHILE. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

POPE:   WELL, I HAVE BEEN BUSY PREPARING.

JOCK:   PREPARING FOR WHAT?

POPE:   WE ARE HAVING OUR ANNUAL VATICAN SPRINGTIME GARAGE SALE.

JOCK:   AHHH. SELLING EVERYTHING OFF?

POPE:   SI’.

JOCK:   I DIDN’T KNOW THE VATICAN HAD A GARAGE.

POPE:   SI’. IT IS WHERE WE KEEP THE LAWN MOWER.

JOCK:   I DIDN’T KNOW THE VATICAN HAD A LAWN. AND YOU HAVE A LAWN MOWER?

POPE:   SI’. HIS NAME IS ERNESTO. HE DOES WONDERFUL WORK.

JOCK:   WHAT KIND OF THINGS ARE YOU SELLING AT THE GARAGE SALE?

POPE:   WELL, WE’VE GOT LOTS OF OLD PEWS.

JOCK:   PEWS?

POPE:   AH, THEY MAKE GOOD PATIO FURNITURE. WE HAVE, UH, LET’S SEE….SEVERAL OLD CONFESSIONALS.

JOCK:   WHAT WOULD I DO WITH A CONFESSIONAL?

POPE:   THEY MAKE NICE SAUNAS, OR A SACRAMENTAL WINE COOLER.

JOCK:   WINE COOLER.

POPE:   SPEAKING OF WHICH, WE MUST HAVE A BAZILLION CORKSCREWS. EVERYTIME WE HAVE A MASS, SOMEBODY FORGETS THE CORKSCREW AND WE HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER ONE.

JOCK:   WOW.

POPE:   BUT IT’S OK. WE’RE THE VATICAN. WE CAN AFFORD IT.

JOCK:   WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

POPE:   LET’S SEE… OOO – WE’VE SOME OF THE CARDINALS’ OLD BOARD GAMES.

JOCK:   BOARD GAMES?

POPE:   CHYESS.

JOCK:   YOU HAVE CHESS?

POPE:   NO. BUT WE HAVE GAMES LIKE, UH, OH, LET’S SEE….“HUNGRY HUNGRY HITITES”

JOCK:   HUNGRY, HUNGRY HITITES.

POPE;   UH, “THE GAME OF ETERNAL LIFE”.

JOCK:   YOU HAVE “APPLES TO APPLES”?

POPE:   NO, APPLES ARE FORBIDDEN. WE HAVE THE VATICAN VERSION OF “SORRY”.

JOCK:   WHAT’S THE VATICAN VERSION OF “SORRY”?

POPE:   SI’. EVERYTIME SOMEONE SAYS “SORRY”, THEY ARE FORGIVEN.

JOCK:   WHAT ELSE ARE YOU SELLING AT THE GARAGE SALE?

POPE:   WE HAVE SOME EARLY WORKS BY MICHELANGELO.

JOCK:   HOW EARLY?

POPE:   DURING HIS ‘PAINTING ON VELVET’ PERIOD.

JOCK:   I HATE TO ASK THIS… MICHELANGELO PAINTED ON VELVET?

POPE:   SI’, WE HAVE HIS FAMOUS “DOGMAS PLAYING POKER”.

JOCK:   POKER DOGMAS .

POPE:   IT’S BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT TO HANG OVER THE COUCH. OR A PEW, IF YOU WANT TO BUY AN OLD PEW, WE HAVE THEM.

JOCK:   SO I HEARD.

POPE:   PRICED TO MOVE.

JOCK:   OF COURSE.

POPE:   SO, COME TO THE BIG VATICAN GARAGE SALE. JESUS SAVES,AND SO CAN YOU.

JOCK:   OK.

POPE:   AND BRING SINGLES. WE WILL NOT BREAK A FIFTY.

JOCK:   OK. WELL, THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW ABOUT YOUR GARAGE SALE.

POPE:   YOU ARE QUITE WELCOME.

JOCK:   S’ALRIGHT?

POPE:   S’ALRIGHTEOUS!

(END)