ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
- LISA MARIE PRESLEY KEPT HER SON'S BODY AT HOME FOR TWO MONTHS
Not weird at all.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- "JOKER 2" TANKS
It stinks on ice.
- AUDIO: TRAVIS KELCE'S ACTING LEAVES SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED
Unsportsmanlike acting.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- PINK FLOYD SELLS CATALOGUE TO SONY FOR $400 MILLION
That was "Run Like Hell," sponsored by Nike.
- MAN PAYS $4,000 TO SMASH TAYLOR SWIFT GUITAR AT AUCTION
Daddy, no!
- JIMMY CARTER'S 100TH BIRTHDAY
Little known facts about the former president.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- PEOPLES CHOICE COUNTRY AWARD WINNERS
The peoples have spoken, with a twang.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- BRIDGERTON BALL A BUST
Kit Kat bars and a stripper.
U.S. NEWS
- MILLIONAIRE TRIED SEVERAL TIMES TO KILL ESTRANGED WIFE
If at first you don't succeed....
- ALL WALMARTS TO BE CLOSED ON THANKSGIVING DAY
Bless their hearts.
- AUDIO: PILOT DIES AFTER TAKEOFF
He's a-leavin' on a jet plane.
- FAT BEAR CONTEST WON BY FAT BEAR
Go figure.
- 10-YEAR OLD DRIVES STOLEN CAR THROUGH PLAYGROUND
Show off.
- SEMI FULL OF HONEYBEES OVERTURNS, DRIVER TRAPPED IN CAB
Honey don't.
- TROUBLE IN FRENCH FRY LAND
They're in hot water now.
- CONCERT-GOERS GIVEN BAT RABIES WARNING
Sorry, no refunds.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
- PLANE TAKES OFF THREE HOURS EARLY
Didn't tell anybody.
- MUSEUM WORKER TOSSES ARTWORK IN THE TRASH
This art is trash.
- INDIA TO TAX TOILET SEATS
A going concern.
- AIR PASSENGERS FORCED TO WATCH RACY MOVIE
Is there no end to the cruelty of air travel these days?
- BRITISH SURGEON USES SWISS ARMY KNIFE TO OPERATE
1 out of 5 doctors prefer Swiss army knives.
- AUDIO: PRESIDENT OF ARGENTINA PLAGIARIZES "WEST WING" SPEECH
And then Secretaria Landingham died.
- ESCAPED GOAT RUNS HALF-MARATHON
What a butt head.
THE BUZZ
- THE TOP TEN SONGS PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR WHEN THEY DIE
♪♫ I did it... MYYYYYY WAAAAAAYYYY.... ack! ♪♪
- DUMB HEADLINES
The dumbest headlines of the week (that we saw, anyway)
- MOST AMERICANS WOULD RATHER DIET AND EXERCISE THAN TAKE OZEMPIC
What is this, Backwards Day?
- BAD HABITS
Stickin' with 'em.
- THE WEIRDEST THING YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE DOES
Only one?
- WALLETHUB'S SAFEST CITIES IN THE U.S.
More like GimmeYourWalletHub.
NEW MOVIES
- SATURDAY NIGHT
Starts Friday, October 11 in theaters.
- PIECE BY PIECE
Starts Friday, October 11 in theaters.
- MONSTER SUMMER
Starts Friday, October 4 in theaters.
- JOKER 2: FOLIE A DEUX
Starts Friday, October 4 in theaters.
- WHITE BIRD
Starts Friday, October 4 in theaters.
- MEGALOPOLIS
Stars Friday, September 30 in theaters.
- LEE
Starts Friday, September 30 in theaters.
- THE WILD ROBOT
Starts Friday, September 30 in theaters.
- VIAGLA, FOR STRONGER ELECTIONS
Run harder, longer.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - Stop Thinking
Thinking of buying a new car? Stop thinking! Al and Mike have!
- LESTER FEEKLE FOR CORONER
The candidate for every body.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 4.
- HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - GO NEGATIVE
Hubert takes a stand... in the gutter.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced, ready-to-use bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Subliminal Ad
Al and Mike try communicating below the threshold of actual thoughts, which is how their brains work anyway.
- SONG: LET'S GET POLITICAL
An intro for your political stories.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 27.
- SCRUDENAU FARMS POPCORN MAZE
Bring melted butter.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - Free Dinners
With their latest promotion, Al and Mike have bitten off more than they can chew.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 20.
- OKTOBERFEST - THE WAKING SONG
Wake! Wake! The weekend is here!
- SONG - OKTOBERFEST IS HERE
To kick off Oktoberfest.